BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage I really need someone...

Hey everyone,
On March 17 it will be three years since i miscarriaged. Its been so long and everyone tells me to get over it. But every night i think of my little girl and the tears dont stop and my heart feels like it is breaking a little more each day. Ive never really got to share with anyone how i felt, i would really enjoy someone to talk to that i could relate with. I just wish the pain would stop... Thank you in advance
-Danielle

I'd like to share a story with you about a woman who lost her child. Everyone told her she was now a mother of an angel. While I believe that with all my heart and feel it is a beautiful way to express the pain and anguish so that a mother could bear the loss perhaps a little better.

My mother had a stillborn son two years after I was born. When she died, I felt a little better knowing that at least she could finally be a mother to her son - something she was never able to do on earth.

Neither of those change anything and those stories can never replace your loss. Loss is something that no one can really explain. All we can do is try to make it easier to cope.

To help you with the pain now, that I cannot do. No one can. Only you know what you are feeling. They say that "time heals all wounds". No it doesn't, it just makes them more bearable.

I will not tell you to try again as there will never be another Emanuella. No matter how many children you end up having, not one of them could take her place. They would all be special, yes...but they won't be her.

What I will say is that I do not believe in coincidences....the time was not right, or everything would have happened the way you wanted it to.


Going to a grief counselor - someone who is specially trained in this - is the best thing you could do for yourself. I urge you to find one and make peace with yourself, and make the memories that you have brighter, instead of painful.

Thank you so much i just needed to know someone was there. God Bless

I agree so much with Robin's message and advice. I had a miscarriage in 1978 and I still sometimes feel the pain. But, it has just gone to a quieter place. And I know that someday, I will be with that little one I lost in this world but has a place in God's Mansion. I have been fortunate to have had two other children and now two grandchildren and I love them dearly and never take them for granted. I thank God every night for giving them to me. The loss of the third baby has made me realize that you can never lose the love. Being the mother of an Angel is a good way to think about it.

Danielle, I am so sorry. You are so brave. Forgive me, but I would like to offer some help?
I know with my children I lost it helpes to tell them how much I loved them missed them and I pictured Jesus with them, gave them to his care and let them go. I know they are in heaven. I do not understand why. I never will, in this life. I get angry with God, but he does not mind, he can take it.

I am so sorry that you are in such pain and have suffered such a huge loss. I send you a big hug and my prayers.

thank you all so much

Hi there Emanualla's Mommy, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Piper on this past December 13, and I too spent days lying in bed crying. I couldn't do anything else.
It comes back and I am sad often, especially since I just lost my grandmother in February as well). I can tell you that antidepressant medication and counseling have both helped me, I can also tell you that if you cry too long and it seems too much and you start feeling suicidal, please get help. Go to the hospital. That's what happened with me and I just left the hospital after a week-long stay because I couldn't stop crying and I wanted to die. Now things are getting better.
Big hug,
devastated

Emanualla's mommy- I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a few weeks ago and the pain seems at time like it will consume you. When I finally had time away from my step-kids and husband to think about how I felt I made a few decisions. One, I miscarried because my baby - it was twins I found out later - had a genetic abnormality so it was nothing that I did. This means that I had a baby, it was only with me for a short while because of something that was beyond my control. While this baby was with me it was so loved and celebrated by my family and friends. They went crazy I was 12 weeks along and I had flowers, gifts, a baby halloween costume- I take a lot of comfort from that. Two, I decided that my baby would not want me to be sad. If I had gotten to hold and love that baby I would spend my life making sure that it was not sad- your baby and God would want the same for you. Three, my miscarriage has motivated me to be a better person. I am not a bad person now, but I want to be the person that my very special baby deserved as a mom.

I have two teenage step-sons that I had to keep myself together for so I got into some intense conuseling immediately following my D&C. I had three sessions in a week and boy did it help. From my experience, you need to make sure that you have let go of the anger- find a spot where you are alone and yell, scream, swear- whatever you need. what happened to you was bullsh*t and unfair yell it - from the pit of your stomach if you are holding in anger. When you can move onto the grief stage write your baby a letter and start to let go of some of those feelings. While you are vulnerable- be around people who support you. I had friends who were trying to get pregnant and when I talked about my miscarriage it scared the hell out of them - my single friends did not understand- get yourself to a professional and surround yourself with support. Time heals nothing, it is what you do with that time that heals.