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Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere is a missive from authors Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby - both self-proclaimed fat and happy bloggers. The book encourages all fat people to embrace their state in life.

Review of Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere

Have you read this book yet? What do you think of its message?

That's all very interesting and it is a difficult topic to discuss for some reason, unlike talking about high blood pressure, or any other medical condition.

I do think people furtively stare at overweight people more than most other types of folk. I see people do it all the time, even my friends, and typically will make an unkind comment to go with it.

I also think people don't make normal, friendly eye contact with overweight people, women in particular; it's as if there is a sense of 'being dismissed', as an overweight friend said to me once.

I think The Biggest Loser is really helping with a lot of our conceptions with overweight people. We really get to see people's bodies transform. While some contestants go from morbidly obese to 'just' obese (and awesome, good job, you guys!), some get really quite slender. Frequently with the facial changes they end up looking incredibly gorgeous.

That got me to thinking - does BL look for people who will be very attractive once thin? Dan thinks they use morphing software to check and see, for example. I am not so sure about that, but it's amazing just how good most of the contestants look around the time just before their makeovers.

It got me to re-assessing how I view these people at the start of each season. I started looking for the ones I figured would be hotties, men and women, by the end.

As I watched the seasons here in the US and the four seasons in Australia, I then realized that so many of these people actually were simply attractive no matter what their weight. That it's not a matter of "she has a pretty face (or hair, or eyes)" or "she'd be pretty if she lost weight" but actually "this person is really pretty."

It may not *seem* like a huge leap in awareness, but I think it kinda is. I think this show and a few others like it out there are opening people's eyes and attitudes a little.

This is definitely a difficult area to talk about because it involves a lot of very deeply "programmed" areas of our brains - programmed both by evolution and by our society.

Let me comment first that the book encourages people to use the word "fat" as a healthy word, so I use it here. I apologize if some people have been conditioned to find it an offensive word. If people dislike the word "fat", please substitute in whatever euphemism you normally use.

So with that being said, I agree that fat people ARE beautiful, just as thin people are beautiful and other people are beautiful. I think part of what is damaging to fat people is that people think and say "You could be so pretty if only you were NOT fat." Is that like saying to a short person "you could be pretty if you were not short"? We are discussing the way a person's body is. For whatever reason, they are fat, and it could be they will always be fat. It is a very hurtful message to say "you will never be pretty unless you change X, because society feels X is a better state than the one you are in."

If anything I think the reason some of the "starting people" on Biggest Loser seem "unattractive" is that they are miserable. They hate themselves, they hate their bodies. As they lose weight they become happy with themselves and that happiness glows. I feel anyone who is really happy has a glow, a beauty, regardless of their size or shape or race or age.

But what bothers me about that whole dynamic is that their happiness is all tied up in their body size. Not their achievements, or relationships, or creative output, or anything else I would find meaningful. It is solely in how much of Object X (fat) makes up their body's composition. Can you imagine if we all put that same stock into how many red blood cells we had in our system? Becoming miserable and upset if we had 90% red blood cells, and being thrilled and serene and content if we had 50% red blood cells?

So, to bring the discussion back down to something a little more concrete, it interests me why a person would talk disparagingly about a stranger about how their body looks. We wouldn't (I hope) tease a bald woman about being bald. Or a short person about being short. Or a person with a giant red rash about her rash. Why would we tease a fat person about being fat? Why would we negatively judge any stranger about a core part of their body?

In general I do not believe the people I spend time with do this, so it's a bit foreign to me. The last real incident I remember was several years ago with Bob's old band. One of the "band wives" was looking out at the dancers in the bar and commented disparagingly about a heavy woman who was dancing and having fun - that the woman's stomach was larger than her breasts. The other band-women laughed. It really upset me. This dancer was happy, enjoying the music, and not hurting anyone. Why would the band-women take delight in "looking down on her" just because her stomach was round? Why would that bring them pleasure?

LOL So I guess I do judge people - I judge people who judge people Bad Lisa ...

One of the topics the book talked about is being seen in a swimsuit. A number of fat people simply will not swim - even if they love it - because they don't want people to see them in a swimsuit (and perhaps laugh or stare). Just a few days ago I was talking with my larger-than-average friend who said that exact thing. She would never wear a swimsuit. It really bothered me that this wonderful woman would not enjoy swimming because of what others might think about her body.

Have any of you given up things you enjoy because of issues like this?

I put off going to the gym for years because I was embarrassed. I weigh about 270. I started going last week. Now my "I can't do it because I am too fat" is braving going to the Yoga class filled with people who weight 150 pounds or less.... Last year my kids begged and begged to get a pass to the local pool. I was reluctant but I couldn't hold my kids back because of me being overweight. I found a swimsuit I can feel comfortable in and I go. I don't care if people stare ( i don't normally notice it, really). I am out exercising, I am with my kids and that is what matters. I have just gotten to the point where I don't care what people think about me. I have struggled with years now to lose weight and I need to exercise more. There is no way around it at this point. It is the only thing i haven't tried. So I started, I only walk the treadmill for now. I want to work up to using the crunch machine now if someone will show me how to use it properly.

Jeanette that is awesome!! It is such a shame that other people would even care what you look like (or what anybody looks like). Don't people have enough to do taking care of themselves, without being judgmental of other people? We all deserve to be happy and to do the things we want to do.

I am sure you'll have a blast in yoga. Yoga is all about being comfortable with your body whatever its size or shape. I know a number of elderly people who do yoga. They are baggy and spotted and knobby and feel very self conscious about their bodies, but they want to stay healthy. They found great yoga groups and are completely accepted as happy human beings. As we all should be!

I have faith that your yoga group will be just as supportive. Yoga is all about doing what you can, without any sense of competitiveness or "she can bend further" or "she is a different shape" or anything like that. All the DVDs I own talk about how you can use a chair, you can use a block, you just do what you can do and don't worry about anybody else.