BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Another Dr Phil...

Yesterday, Dr. Phil was about not being THAT girl... meaning a single girl who fell into several different undesirable categories.

One of those categories was 'agenda girl,' the one who wants to be married and have kids by a certain age, and is looking to check off the list more than she's looking to find a good mate.

Well, that started me thinking. I've heard that a woman should really have a child by the age of 35. Yes, a child is possible after this age, but it can be difficult and dangerous (and expensive).

So, in order for a woman to have children the right way, that is, to be in a loving relationship with a consenting husband, she should probably be married by 30. That would give her 5 years to have children.

How often do you think this situation actually pans out the way it should? How often does a woman marry someone that she really cares about, and then after careful thought and consideration, with the full support and consent of a husband who really WANTS kids, has a few children before turning 35?

I think if this actually happened correctly then about 12 people would have had kids last year.

Ha ha. I've seen so many women marry men that just make me scratch my head. I don't know if it's marriage, babies or both that motivates them. I think some women are afraid they might not meet someone else to marry, so when someone comes along and wants to marry them, they are all over it.

It's sad, but I think some women know they have a better chance of meeting someone better, and they don't settle. But other women seem to settle for just any man. I've seen some really desperate behavior from the single moms out there. They know that a lot of guys aren't interested in them b/c they have kids, and they really kind of demean themselves. Not all single moms, I'm talking about a lot of the single moms I've known.

Some women are just caught up in the idea of having a baby. And I think sometimes they will grab any guy that will go along with it.

I just went to capitalize Mom when I was writing this. Is it a "title" to capitalize? I guess when I'm talking about a specific mom, my mom, then you capitalize it.

My older sister got married at 26. She had baby #1 at age 33 and baby #2 at age 36. She would've preferred to have baby #2 at age 34 but it was not in the cards.

If she hadn't got pregnant by 37, they were going to adopt. They even went through the interview process and filled out all the paperwork in case it didn't happen.

They are both professionals, but they are also very involved with their children.

There are only three couples I know that truly planned out every aspect of having a child. The ones that make a very conscious decision, rather than following the herd, are by far, the best parents I know.

Everyone else just had kids because it was the next step after marriage!

Happy - you only capitalize "mom" if it's the name. If you were talking about your mom you would say "the other day I was talking to my mom and she said ..."

But if you were referring to that as her name, like, "the other day I was talking to Mom and she said ...."

One of my best friends with with a guy on and off for over six years. She wanted to get married and have kids, he didn't. Within three or four months of breaking up with him over this, she moved in with her new boyfriend after only 1 month of dating. They were engaged within six months and married a year after they met (they actually were planning the wedding before they got engaged.) She found out the day before the wedding that she had been pregnant for almost a month (she had told us for months that she wanted to be pregnant on her wedding day.) Their daughter was born 8 months later.

Her other friends and I are pretty sure that the only reason that she and her husband got together was because they both wanted marriage and children. The reason for having kids so soon was that her husband was "getting old" (he was 30 when they got married.)

And they say women are the brainwashed breeder-bots. That's just scary.

Yeah, I thought about that after I posted. Good call. I'm sure moms would like that it be capitalized all the time!



Wow, I hope that works out. Okay, so they got their family, but it's pretty important that you like the father of your children. If he isn't that great, then there will soon be little replicas of him running around. After all, kids imitate their parents. If I wanted kids, I would want to find out if there was mental illness in my DH's family. I think there is, but none of the characters in his family have been diagnosed. I would also want to know about other health issues that run in my DH's family. I think it's really important to know someone before you share DNA with them! That's what kills me about people that have babies with someone they barely know. How scary is that?

That seems to be a general problem about people getting into relationships in general. I once went into a forum where a bunch of guys were talking and asked them what they wanted in a girl. This was what most of the lists looked like:

1. Has to be attractive.
2. Can't be overweight.
3. Has to put up with me.

So I guess heroine addicts are, you know, fine.

Why people don't think about this stuff more, I have NO idea.

Cuz they don't think, most relationships are based off of lust..and then they just see if they work out from there. Most beneficial thing that helped me start my relationship with my wife, was immediately after getting together, I left the country for 6 months. All we did during that time was time was talk to each other, learn each other, and almost 4 years later, it still feels like day 1.

I couldn't agree with you more Skeeter. I think that the more time you have to talk with someone, learn about them even if it takes months or years will tell you so much about them and it's important to be able to carry on a conversation with the one you love. If you can't do that or they can't hold your interest, then why bother.

Relationships built on lust or attraction don't last. But relationships built on true respect, friendship, humor, and honesty are the ones that last.

Those that take care of that beforehand -- ie those that have a long distance relationship, do that first, if they do it right. That is, talk, see each other rarely, then decide to see if that person is the right one.

Ultimately, the illusion of youth goes away. Bodies age, stomachs and boobs sag, hair turns grey, wrinkles appear, but what makes the person worth being around is WHO the person is, what the person is on the inside, not what that person looks like.

Most people don't think that way. They lust after the bod. When the lust dies down, that is when people discover that they have trouble with/can't stand the other person day to day.