I am hoping this is a place where I can get some support, motivation, ideas, etc around body acceptance.
I am 34 years old and I've been "in the process of losing weight" since I was maybe 12 - pretty much as long as I can remember. It's probably also relevant that I am single, I have always been single, and I have never had more than 2 dates with any one person.
When I was little I was called "fat girl" and "chubby girl" by my father figure, supposedly as a term of endearment while he called my sister (who looked almost exactly like me) "skinny girl and "stick girl" (full disclosure, my relationship with him is and always has been extremely negative).
I am about 5-6 and hovering between 192-198 at the moment. I think I look ok sometimes, in some things. My heaviest was around 240 and I was miserable. I am not miserable anymore, but I cannot seem to shake the idea that I would be happier if I was thinner.
I want to try accepting myself as I am, I just literally don't know how to do that. I have these vague ideas like I should show love and kindness toward myself, but I have no concrete idea what that should entail, other than not saying the hateful things to myself.
Does anyone have any thinghts about this? Things that have worked for them? Or is anyone in a similar place, wanting to accept yourself but not knowing how?
Honestly right now it seems impossible that I could ever totally love myself at this size. I know there are women out there who can do it though. I really want to be one of them. I want to own this body, feel good in it, and feel sexy and beautiful.