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#905754 - 01/17/16 01:10 PM I get mixed signals from my straight friend  
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Rossignol Offline
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Rossignol  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2016
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So my straight friend whom I've told that I am a lesbian very early in our relation is sending me mixed signals. I think.
I have a crush on her but I haven't told her in clean words that I like her ... I will explain later.
We play on the same sports team so we naturally see each other three times a week. She joins me in my car till and from practice.
Other then that we usually hang out once (or twice) every week and some weeks not at all more than regular practice (enough for our teammates to notice and point out).
She is a bit shy and quiet. I am a bit more outgoing but shy when it comes to feelings and that sort of things.
We do not speak much of earlier relationships, girls, boys anymore. We did a little bit in the beginning when we started hanging out. And when we did she was very vague. Almost like she never had been dating, having a boyfriend etc. The only thing she have said occasionally is: "I guess I will find a guy at some point". But it sounds just like a typical phrase to say.
It strikes me that she's a bit unsecure about her sexuality. I should probably relate to that being a late bloomer myself but after being in the lgbt community before realizing liking girls it was no big deal for me just saying so. I consider myself very lucky that going so easy.

This is what's happening and it's turning me mental. Maybe I put too much into it since I like her.
- Every time we sleep in the same bed she comes very close during night putting her head at my shoulder. We spoon both ways as the big spoon and the little spoon. When it happens all I want is to grab her and get even closer but I don't. I have manners and I am afraid of loosing her and her friendship. She's not a physical person according to herself and after observing her with friends I haven't really seen her giving more than a hug - at most. It's a bit hard for me to understand that she then can spoons in her sleep? If I sleep next to someone I wake up instant if I get too close and "get back to my side of the bed" quite quick. It's a very intimate positions that I only do with a partner/lover.
- We went to a concert. We were both drunk. Suddenly she gave me a hug from behind. I was all in and hugged her back of course. Since she's not that physical I was a bit surprised that she did but hey I give a lot of hugs to my friends. But not her since she being not so physical. I respect boundaries. So I was very pleased when she did that on me.
We went out later that night and started dancing - like sexy dancing/dirty dancing. Her [censored] were in my crotch a lot. I held her on her hips, stomach and [censored]. And she let me. And I have to say I do not dance like that with my friends.
- When we text we sometimes end up with conversations like: I like that you like. I like that you like that I like. And so on..
- In play in our sports she ended up grabbing my boob during match. For me it felt like the time stood still and we had eye contact 10 sec before being back into the game. I wouldn't have given it attention with any other teammate doing that (it's a physical sports so we touch each other quite much. And how she ended up with excactly this sport is a mystery).
- At the movies she ordered the couples sofa all at the back. Everyone except us were snoggling back there.

As said earlier I haven't really told her that I like her but I have said and done things pointing in that direction. Like:
- letting her know that I love newly washed long hair and specially her hair (and guess who came with fresh hair the next day?)
- I said that her bum was the finest and my favourite on the team (it became a topic when one of our teammates said that my bum was the finest)
- for her birthday I made her a wordle with words like: sexy and beauty.
- for Christmas I wrote a very personal Christmas card. Not the typical Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year card. Ended it with: You are the most bautiful person I know <3.

I think she should at least have a feeling that I like her more than a friend. And if I had friend I knew liked me and me not liking this person back I would:
- respond gently that I'm not interested or that I'm not into men if it was a guy
- not say yes or take initiative to doing things together (holidays etc)
- not have that much contact. let it cool off
She does neither of this. We make a lot of plans. We go out for dinner, to the movies, hiking, camping, other sports and so on.
Does anybody have thoughts about this? And how would you react if your friend did this to you?

#905761 - 01/17/16 06:26 PM Re: I get mixed signals from my straight friend [Re: Rossignol]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
Vance - Crime Editor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Vance - Crime Editor  Offline
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Wolf

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
Hudson Falls, New York
You are obviously going to have to make a move on her or talk with her about it. I know it is sensitive but if she dirty dances with you, cuddles with you, spoons with you, I think she may be trying to tell you something, but again, like you say, it could all be friendship stuff and that is why it so sensitive.

Other than that, I don't know what other advice you can get. You have to make a slight move an she if she accepts it or talk with her about your feelings. The only other option is to torture your self with wondering and wishing.

Good luck.


Vance Rowe
Crime Editor
#905775 - 01/18/16 03:58 AM Re: I get mixed signals from my straight friend [Re: Vance - Crime Editor]  
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Rossignol Offline
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Rossignol  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Hi Vance,
and thank you for your reply. This is an area I have no confidence in but I have thought that maybe I should make a move the next time we sleep in the same bed again. Maybe grab her hand or put my arm around her. If she move her self away I might have the answer.
If she needs time to settle With the idea being With another woman I will give her time. But she will have to give me something to wait for.
Hopefully we will work this out.

Thanks again.

#905776 - 01/18/16 04:58 AM Re: I get mixed signals from my straight friend [Re: Vance - Crime Editor]  
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Rossignol Offline
Newbie
Rossignol  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Just another thing Vance. Would you have understood that I liked you out from the things I have said and done?
Or have I been vague as well?

Thanks.

/Rossignol

#905794 - 01/18/16 12:55 PM Re: I get mixed signals from my straight friend [Re: Rossignol]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
Vance - Crime Editor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Vance - Crime Editor  Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Wolf

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,582
Hudson Falls, New York
If you were doing the things to me that the woman is doing to you, I would take it as a hint that you like me, but I am the same way you are. A bus would have to hit me to make me realize it.

The next time you spend time with her, bring out a bottle of wine and put on some music. Tell her you liked the way that the two of you danced that night and ask if you can do it again. While dancing, make sure you are behind her ans when it feels right, kiss her on her neck and see how she reacts. If she lets you continue, then get a little braver. If she is mortified and steps away from you, then just explain everything to her so that at least you can remain friends at least and then go ahead and seek someone else out for a relationship.

This is the best advice I can give besides sitting her down and talking with her about it.


Vance Rowe
Crime Editor
#905839 - 01/19/16 03:38 AM Re: I get mixed signals from my straight friend [Re: Vance - Crime Editor]  
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Rossignol Offline
Newbie
Rossignol  Offline
Newbie

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you so much Vance. I really appreciate your thoughts on this. AT one point I was afraid that i was a bit crazy and made Things out of nothing.

/Rossignol


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