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I watched a story on the news with my family and a close friend. Some remarks were made that set me off. I politely told them that they were wrong. But it still bugs me. I can't sleep. It's still embarrassing for me, what happened. They don't know. I can't tell them.

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What was the news story and what did they say?

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Yes, let us know the rest of the story.


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Hey...It was a story about some high school girls bucking the school dress code and bearing their bellies. The wore crop tops and shorts.

Some women in the room with me made a comment that they'd get what they deserve for wearing what they did.

I told them no woman deserves what you're talking about and left it there. I had to steer clear of them for a couple of days. I was so mad. I haven't said anything more about it, but it has bothered me ever since.

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I would say it like it is - showing your belly is an expression of self, and every girl has that right. Every girl decides for herself. Bearing your belly does not make one wrong and not bearing it does not make one right. Family and close friends are there to hear you out and respect your wishes/opinions.


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That it is Encore. They were there to here me out but apparently I was wrong. But I know I'm not. I don't know how they can think that way. They are women.

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Jana, I agree that it would be upsetting to have people close to you expressing cruel and judgmental views.

But many people have knee jerk reactions and don't consider the implications of what they're saying, even though they should. I mean, would they really think it quite reasonable for girls to be sexually assaulted for wearing what is generally thought to be fashionable? What about bikinis on the beach or at the pool - are these danger zones, an open invitation to predators? How about women athletes? The official uniforms for many teams had, for example, female runners in skimpier clothing than shorts and crop tops.

As you can see, I think they're wrong. But if it were family/friend, hard to say how to react to bigotry. There's a certain amount of in otherwise decent folk, though sometimes I wonder how they manage it.

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Jana,

Women are the best at insulting women and bringing them down so that does not surprise me at all what they said.

As for that story in particular a few if not more dress codes are really sexist (i had to pass a few petitions because the text was just feminist insanity instead of talking about what is going on) and in those places it should be changed. I do not know if at that school it is a sexist dress code, if it is then these girls were right in going to school dressed like that but if it is not a sexist dress code then they were wrong. Dress codes are the choice of the people in charge of the building it is in place and as long as it is the same for everybody there are no problems with that.

Either way what someone wears does not entitle anyone to attack them in any way (unless you are dressed a way you know you cannot where you are then you are in the wrong so go back where you live and dress accordingly if you want to go back there).

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Thanks Mona and Nancy. I had to separate myself from them for a couple of days.

The one totally didn't understand was my friend. She's been stalked. More than once. She even mentioned how some guy chased her through a mall and she was wearing work out gear. It appeared to me that she was blaming herself for being stalked.

Ok this may seem extreme but I think even if a person would run around in their birthday suit would not entitle another to sexually assault them. There are nude beaches after all.

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Jana,

I too think that if someone would go in public naked that it is not an invitation for being raped or molested or sexually harassed.

The only people who deserves that treatment are the ones who have done it!

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I agree about the dress codes. Boys and girls should both wear appropriate clothing to school, and schools should define that sensibly. Often the code seems to be all about covering up the girls - well beyond what is appropriate - and ignoring what the boys are wearing. But that is a separate issue to the one of choice of clothing giving carte blanche to predators. Which is, in my view, NOT EVER acceptable.

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WHOA! Shame on those women! I don't care if I'm standing around stark naked in a dark alley -- RAPE is NEVER deserved!


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Nancy,

I'm with you 100%. Those that do such a thing deserve that treatment and more.

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Oh Yikes Jana, what they said is just so wrong! You have every right to be upset with them.

I think their judgments say more about themselves than anything else. The women I know who are really judgmental of the way young women dress tend to lack any feelings of comfort and acceptance of their own body.

I'm sorry to hear that happened. It sounds like it was really difficult to have to be around them.


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Yep. It still is sometimes. It just blew me away that they could say such things. I'll never understand that.

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