BellaOnline Forums Home and Garden Container Gardening A touch of humour is good for you!

Hi one and all,

Well I thought we could start a thread with jokes and comments and anything that may hit a funny bone or two with a gardening theme loosely woven in.

I hope you will join in, here is my first contribution.

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Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands at the back. Herb says to Sam: "We went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?"

Herb says: "You'll going to have to help me out here a little. What's the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?" Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes, that's it!" cries Herb.

He then calls ahead to his wife Rose. "Hey, Rose, what was the name of the restaurant we ate at last night?"
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Ah well. Seeing that it is Valentine's day today, I thought of using the rose first up.

Cheers now

Hello there - no offence meant none taken I hope!

Two elderly ladies Ruby and Matilda were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

Ruby leaned over and said, "Life is so boring these days. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'll take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!"

"You're on!" cried Matilda, holding up a $10.00 note.

As fast as she could, little old lady Ruby fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the Town Hall.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. Then naked Ruby burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"For heaven's sake what happened?" asked her waiting friend, "did you get into trouble?"

"No not at all," Ruby answered, smiling with glee "But, I won the $30 first prize for the Best Dried Arrangement."


Cheers now

Smile for today?

A man walks into a florist shop: 'I'd like some flowers please.'
'Certainly, sir. What did you have in mind?'
He shrugs: 'Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh...'

'Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?'

It reminds me of a picture joke I once saw where there is a huge bunch of flowers and all you can see are two small legs sticking out of the bottom, where the guy is walking up a garden path to his front door. The next door neighbours are chatting and the legend says "There goes someone in a whole lotta trouble!"

Hope you get flowers whenever you should!

Cheers

Here are some definitions that may make you smile?

** Knee - A device for finding rocks in your garden.

** Green Fingers - Something everyone else has plenty of.

** Perennial - This year, possibly; next year, unlikely.

**Seed catalogue - A work of fiction with fantasy photos.

** Spade - Highly efficient back-pain generator

I certainly agree with the one about seed catalogues (and packets) What could you add?

Cheers

Oh Lestie, I LOVED all these!!! I definitely had a good laugh Keep up the good work!

Great Deanna and all - please keep smiling!

I don't know who wrote this but there is a nice play on words.

Cabbage always has a heart;
and Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.
Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our Tulips meet.
Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I'll Cauliflower shop and say
In Thyme you'll see I'm fine
I'll work hard and share my Celery,
'Cos your dreams are Parsley mine!

Romance in the garden?

Cheers now

...and here are some more definitions.

** Gardener: aka Plant Manager.

** A pink Carnation : A country where people only drive pink cars.

** Snapdragon: A grouchy short-tempered gardener.

** Ho(a)rseradish: a small round red vegetable that whispers.

** Germinating: Becoming a German citizen.

Cheers

A little bit of mathematics:
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

And seeing your seed catalogue definition, I thought you'd like this little glossary of The real meaning of plant catalog terminology:

"A favorite of birds" means to avoid planting near cars, sidewalks, or clotheslines.

"Grows more beautiful each year" means "Looks like roadkill for the foreseeable future."

"Zone 5 with protection" is a variation on the phrase "Russian roulette."

"May require support" means your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.

"Moisture-loving" plants are ideal for landscaping all your bogs and swamps.

"Carefree" refers more to the plant's attitude than to your workload.

"Vigorous" is code for "has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over the world."

"Grandma's Favorite" -- until she discovered free-flowering, disease-resistant hybrids.

Hey Mona, these are fun ... similar to the meaning behind the meaning of words chosen to describe houses for sale.

Anyway, here are five more definitions for a smile:

**Dahlia: Shakespeare in the morning.

**Rhubarb: Blushing celery.

**Black Thumb: You have one if the rocks in your rock garden die

**Annuals: Disappointment once a year

**Bulb: Buried potential

Cheers now - add some of your own...

Here is something from Mike Garofalo - smile now!

People are like Potatoes!

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are content to watch others ...
They are called "Speck Tators.

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get under your skin ...
They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but somehow, they never get around to doing
We call them "Hezzie Tators."

Some folks spent a lot of time sitting and peering into their garden ...
They are called "Medi Tators."

There are those that try to maximize their crop yields while reducing expenses ...
We call them "Compu Tators."

Add a smile of your own - just make it garden related,

Cheers now.