BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image I compare myself to white women

I'm right at my ideal body weight for my age and height, 5'8" 140 lbs, have beautiful hair and eyes, full lips and round buttocks, and can run up a flight of stairs two or three at a time. I'm also half black, which isn't a bad thing except that I've always compared myself to the ideal white woman, making me feel less than beautiful ever since I was a preteen. Even though my husband loves my assets, and even points out advantages I have over other girls, I still can't help but compare myself in a negative way. :( I'm pretty much out of the running unless I want to develop an eating disorder, or go on the banan girl diet, or something like that. How do I deal with this? I'm a musician and I want to get into performing, and being able to really sell myself means a lot to me.

I know it can be difficult when we see all the media input, and yes it is true, we have grown up, at least in the United States, seeing mostly thin white women as the ideal of beauty. I would suggest a couple of things. First, realize that most photos are so retouched that what you are seeing is not reality. I live in Los Angeles and see many celebrities in daily life, they are just like you and I with all our flaws. Second, know that only 5% of people have the genetic ability to attain that so called thin, perfect, body. So dieting, exercising etc. are not going to get you there. At best it will only make you unhappy chasing something impossible and at worst it could make you ill. You don't need to change your body, it is perfect the way it is. You say you want to sell yourself as a musician, that means you need confidence, not a super thin body. We are fortunate today that women of all sizes and races are taking their places in entertainment. Don't think this is true? Take a look at Melissa McCarthy, Gabourey Sidbe, Rikki Lake, Sherri Shepherd, Adele, Kate Upton, Kelly Clarkson, and Sofia Vergara. By the way, you say you are 5' 8" and 140, Sofia is 5' 7" and 141 and I don't think there is anyone who wouldn't consider her beautiful.

Looking at all the differences in the famous people you listed (and not focusing on one ideal) has helped me see that in a diverse group of people, one person really doesn't look all that different from another person. Where I live, it seems like there are a lot of girls who obsess with looking perfect, and I mean like having two kids and still a size zero in jeans and flawless makeup kind of perfect, and a lot of girls think they have to be super fit. I auditioned a couple years back in the above-mentioned town to be a part of a performing group at a theme park, and I was 15-20 lbs less than what I am now, but I still felt big compared to all the other girls, taller and more muscular, and even with me being super thin back then, my bone structure just seemed bigger than theirs. But I really wasn't all that different from them, just like the celebrities really aren't all that different from each other physically, if you look at the big picture, which is hard.

It is such a shame that even in modern times our media tends to push the idea of a slim white-skinned woman as the ideal. There is SO much beauty in the world in all colors, shapes, and sizes.

What I might recommend is going on a media fast. If you get magazines that showcase that type of white-girl image, unsubscribe. Stop reading them. And, heck, maybe subscribe to some that focus on women who look more like you. Heck, go on a movie-watching binge that features beautiful actresses of non-white varieties. Try to de-program yourself.

Good luck!

Well, I guess, It near to insult you by comparing yourself with others. I think everyone has their standard of living and one should focus on themselves more than compare with others.

Cheers,
Alexa

Don't compare yourself because of what is in or not. We are all created beautifully.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Remember that!

I agree. We are all different and beauty is not always on the outside. The media is exhausting. A fast sounds good.

Don't be insecure about not having fair skin. A lot of people would vie for tan skin. Moreover, I am envious of your height. I'm only 5'3 and had I been a 5 inches taller, I could probably be a model. I used to be insecure about my tan skin but now, I realize that someone out there is vying for what I have so just be thankful :) We are all beautiful in our own ways.