BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Reasons to Stay Married

Marriage is a commitment, a pledge to be partners for the rest of your lives. That is the difference between just being together with an easy-out clause versus making it official (legal).

I married the love of my life. In fact, dare I say, my soul mate. But that doesn't mean it's been easy for us.

Sometimes, I feel like we're running a three-legged race and there are times when we are in sync and covering a lot of ground while other times, one of us just wants to stay put or go in a different direction.

It's been sobering for me to realize, time and time again, that no matter how frustrated or angry I might get because of things that I cannot change about him or he about me, I love him. We are very different in many ways, but both of us come with all of our flaws. I have the choice to take it or leave it. The third option (change it) just isn't on the table with him.

But leaving it to seek my fulfillment and happiness is counterproductive since he is so much of my fulfillment and happiness, too.

We're like little kids still who want to play together but want to play different games. But we make it work because, well, the love is strong. There is no other person on earth we'd rather be with.

So I live with his addictions (soft) and he lives with my neuroses (minor).

No one said it would be easy but it is worth it.

Here's another reason to stay married:

Divorce hurts more than you know. And you'll never be the same afterward. You'll never have the experience of the triumph of overcoming trials together. Of bonding rather than bailing.

Angelina Jolie recently said about her partner, Brad Pitt, "After all these years, we have history—and when you have history with somebody, you're friends in such a very real, deep way that there's such a comfort, and an ease, and a deep love that comes from having been through quite a lot together."

That just about sums it up. Friendship, a deep and abiding friendship, is one of the best ways to keep love fresh in a marriage.

Lori, speaking as someone who has gone through divorce, I completely agree with you. The death of a marriage can also seem like the death of part of your soul. Years later I can still feel the pain, even though I have moved on. I am forever changed by it all.

Connie....I saw that quote of Angelina's the other day. I was very impressed with her words and I think she really did call it right. That comfort of having a devoted spouse in your corner can get you through anything.

I love the 35 years of married companionship that we have had. We are indeed fortunate.

Another reason to stay married is to learn how love is crafted and strengthened when you weather rough times together.

People just expect love to happen. It's either there or it's not. This may be true for biological chemistry between people, but not for love.

I can attest to the fact that love deepens over time and with effort. The shared trials, the shared memories are so bonding. There is no one else on earth who can love our children the way we both do. There is no one else who knows what it was like to have rushed our babies to the ER, to have lost sleep over their care, to have buried one of them. Worrying if there would be enough money, finding family fun that didn't cost a dime (playing King of the Mountain and picnicking at the park, tickle fights, hide-and-seek?) Applauding at their graduations.

We look at each other now and see how our bodies have changed from the years of toil and how our hearts have grown from the years of love. One of our secrets to success is that we still feel like little kids who are playmates. We still find new things to explore and discover.

We are best friends, best lovers, best of everything. We will celebrate 30 years in August.

And before anyone wretches over such sappy talk, I also reveal that, just like little kids, there are times when I'm very mad at him.