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I still can't stand this question. I stammer around and get really uncomfortable and irritated.

I need to practice just saying something. Now that I am back with Dan, I will just say something about RunPee. That way i can at least promote it, instead of wasting my brain cells and other people's time on my inner confusion.

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Jilly #864947 05/27/14 08:12 PM
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Jilly, I know exactly what you mean about this question of, "What do you do?" I also find it too personal, and often manipulative as if people are trying to pigeonhole and dismiss me. Also I can tell by someone's tone and facial expression if what they're really asking is,

"Oh, I'm sincerely interested in you, and if we discuss what we put our lives into, it is a great way to find common ground," or

"I'm challenging you to see which category you fit into and where you rank versus me in terms of power, importance, and money."

I've worked a lot of different day jobs for paychecks, but I've always been artistically inclined, so I used to tell people I was an artist. The nice ones would start asking questions like, "What medium do you work in?" and the nosy types would ask, "How does that pay?" and "What galleries are you showing in?" In a way, the question was very useful to reveal people's natures up front and allow me to see who I'd like to avoid and who I'd like to be friends with.

Like you, I've had people dog me with that "what do you do" question, really digging to find out my standard of living. I say I'm an artist and they immediately want to know if I'm married and, if so, what my husband does for a living! Talk about obnoxious!

What you could do is have a basic business card made up (do a Google search on business card services -- several will do a sample run of several hundred for you for free, no strings attached) that says, "Jilly...Freelance Writer...[your website URL]." Then when people ask that dreaded question, just say, "I'm a freelance writer. What do you do?"

Most will talk about their own profession and you can relax and maybe enjoy hearing the interesting details about their job. But if they give you a three-sentence pitch and then turn the question back on you with, "What do you write," you can always fend them off by handing them a business card, saying, "It's all on my website. Sorry, there's really not much else to say -- I sit and I write," and then ask them another question about their jobs. That should get them off your back. The URL on your business card could point to your BellaOnline Frugal Living site or whatever other website you want.

Joy, I LOVE the question, "What do you THINK I do?" I once had someone say they thought I was a librarian. I was fine with that. smile


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Ro -

I wonder if part of this has to do with parts of the country. I'm in Massachusetts and I go to a variety of networking meetings to try to work on my shyness. Sort of "forced mingling" for me. I've never heard anybody ask a woman if she was married or what their husband did. Women aren't assumed to be married - many of my female friends aren't. Heck, many are divorced. So it's not really a question one asks about. Women are assumed to be individual adults. I can't think that I've ever heard that asked at the networking or dinner events I tend to go to. Or even the Mensa gatherings.

(Guys will try to figure this out if they're attracted to a woman, but they do it through more subtle means smile ).

If someone is talking to person X, they generally ask person X about themselves, not about their father or mother or partner smile.

Maybe it's because we're so gay-friendly here and we assume the person might be gay but not ready to discuss it?

I wonder if other parts of the country treat women differently.


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I love when asked this as I can talk about my interests, but I'm not asked often, as by looking at my body it's obvious I'm past the working for pay years.

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Good Morning-

I haven't finished reading through the 10 page thread yet, but I love this topic and JOY, I love the article. I will be linking it in my article, From Self-Realization to Self-Actualization

I too struggle with the answer to this question in many of the ways I have seen throughout this thread. I love the answer, "Why do you ask?" (with a smile of course)

Being proud of what you do is huge. Being confident in what you do is more of the point for me. Confidence points to questions like, "am I qualified?" or "am I worthy?" or "am I good at it?" or "am I making a difference/impact?"

I easily say, "I am a homeschooling mom and writer." I still have not found the true courage to vocally state that I am a Shaman. Maybe because no human being has "certified" me as a Shaman. The work I do changes people's lives, but I still struggle with the idea of saying it. It's the qualification question that stops me.

Why do we need this approval? Why do I need this approval? I know better than to seek approval outside of myself for the Spiritual gifts I have been given yet, here I am doing it again.

Gotta go now; I am off to eagerly complete the rest of the thread. smile


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Ok, now I've completed the thread:

Originally Posted By: JOY ( Self Development )
Re: What Do You Do ?

Another way of answering this question (which also gives some rather interesting and funny answers to break the ice) is:

"What do you think I do?"


Joy, I love this answer, lol (thanks for the quote tip). It opens up an entirely different conversation. In fact, it could be the perfect Segway to "I am a Shaman." Ok, not really, lol.

At a marketing event I once attended they suggested you start with, "I work with people who..." in other words you put the focus on your clients/readers etc. "I work with people that are ready to rediscover their purpose and reinstate health and harmony to their lives."

I like this idea, but I never memorize correctly, which means I am not married (sold on) to the speech I am giving.


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Originally Posted By: Ro Longstreet-Wicca
...Joy, I LOVE the question, "What do you THINK I do?" I once had someone say they thought I was a librarian. I was fine with that. smile

Hi Ro, that's funny. I guess you must have looked pretty studious and terribly organised. Joy

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Yes, I think I looked really bookish or something! smile


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Originally Posted By: Yvonnie-Inspired

Re: What Do You Do ?

...I love this topic and JOY, I love the article. I will be linking it in my article, From Self-Realization to Self-Actualization

Hi Yvonnie, that's very kind of you. Joy

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Hi Susan, thanks for your comment. You actually raise another issue. When you meet someone who looks like they might be retired, one can put one's foot in it. Some retired folk are delighted to talk about the hobbies they never had time for when they were working. Others may be offended that they appear retired when they're not. Joy

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