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The world is full of children who need homes. Many of these kids come from orphanages and foster care and are plagued by troubled pasts and emotional scars. This article will help you to better understand hurt children and decide if this type of adoption is right for you.

Understanding Hurt Children

Amen, Sister! I teach in a special day school, and my life has been filled with these children for the past eight years. People need to understand that adopting one of these children is a full-time job. It is also true that most of them do not trust easily. They have been hurt so many times in their lives that they are wary of people. It takes enormous patience, love, concern, and ability to set limits with loving kindness to adopt a child who has been passed around and bounced around. If you can do that, you have the ability to truly save a young person's life.

As a teacher, I love my kids, but they are not easy. I had to learn their hearts, as they had to learn mine. They act tough, and they are, but these young bundles of creative energy are also fragile beyond belief.

Hi there Deanna and Connie and all,

Your article was so interesting Deanna, thank you. There are just two comments I can make, and they both have something to do with making the child feel safe.

The one is exactly along the lines of one of your examples that of stealing food and hiding it. To cut a long story short as you will be able to imagine the other details and time, one parent I know when faced with this sat down and had a family conference - Dad, Mom and two sisters along with the ex-foster now adopted brother.

The family decision after some discussion meant that each child was given a safety deposit box and their very own key to keep precious things in it. The Mom said it was okay to keep biscuits and cooldrinks in the box but no foods that could become smelly or make the person sick. Every one (and the boy) thought this was a good idea. To start off the boxes, each child was given a juice and a packet of home-baked cookies to put in their boxes. The girls were each given a bead bracelet as well and the boy a pair of Dad's cufflinks to own and care for until he was grown up enough to wear them.

I know that this worked like a charm. The food was no longer hoarded and pocket money was increased immediately by the cost of a packet of biscuits and a juice. Last I heard, the kids are old teenagers, they still have their safety boxes but now are saving money. This they are doing in a bank but their bank cards are kept locked away where they each are the only ones to have a key. The boy is entering his last year of high school in 2015 and is likely to be going to college as his grades are in line for a degree - engineering seems to be his choice.

The other story is one of the despair of a StepMom who just could not get her 5 year old step son to accept her in any form. She followed some advice, brought two pictures of his real Mom and put them into lovely silver frames and put them up next to his bedside.

Every night she would come in and say goodnight to the child and good night to Mom. Together they told her what they had done that day and wished she had a good day the next day. The StepMom also explained to the boy that she loved his Dad very much and that she never wanted to take the place of his real Mom, but that she was the Mom who was the lucky one to get him to look after.

All settled down in this regard within about six weeks, improving daily. This child is now 12 years old and I last saw his 'Mom' crying at a reunion meeting when she told this story and then said that the best thing she had ever got for her birthday was a hankie with her initials on from her son with a note saying "...thank you for giving me my Mom back and did she know that he was the only one in his class with two Moms."

Life is precious in all its forms.

Hi Connie & Leslie! Thank you both for your comments.

Connie - Your students are very lucky to have you! It sounds like you are really making a difference in their lives. The more people they have who take the time to understand them and earn their trust, the more enriched their lives will become.

Leslie - I appreciate you sharing those stories. It goes to show that creative solutions and different parenting strategies are needed when dealing with hurt children. This is important for people to realize. If they are going to help these kids overcome their obstacles, they need to be willing to try something different in order to get results. It also proves that no one is beyond help or hope.