BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence Feelings of guilt

I have been in a relationship with a guy for over twenty years. At first things were great but over time his true nature came through. At first it was the brand of peanut butter he liked then it was the blanket ban on foods he did not like. There were other things such as how the toilet paper should unroll etc etc etc. I could go on and on but the point is that he is very controlling. For a while I guess I either could not see it or just plain did not want to admit it was there. To people on the outside he appears as this nice guy who will help people out etc. I remember at one point telling myself it was all my fault and that I must have done something to deserve it. There has only been two instances of physical violence which only amounted to me being pushed into the fridge or whatnot. It is the mental games he plays that has cut me to the core. I feel like bit by bit parts of me are getting lost. I have tried so hard to be strong but I just can't do it any longer and a month or so back I started to plan a way out. I now have a place to go to and a job that is waiting for me. he tells me he can't wait to see me fail. Thanks to him I have been kept segregated from my family and he knows that I can't go to them. I am working on re-establishing count act with my family but it will take time. What he does not know is that I have a person who is going out of her way to welcome me and to help me for no reason other than she is my friend. I am down to just three days left until I move. He has NO idea and will not be expecting it at all. He constantly belittles me and puts me down with comments like 'you are worth nothing, you belong in the gutter' etc. I know I am doing the right thing but today I can't seem to shake a feeling of guilt. Guilt that he is so unsuspecting etc How do I shake the guilt? How do I not spend the coming weeks as I settle into my new life worrying about him?

Wow! What a small world. Visit my site and email me..it goes to my personal email. I have to talk to you...OK?

Peace and hugs!

Email sent a few minutes ago

Good for you! You are one smart cookie, and I am so happy to hear you have a place to go and a job.

That guilt you are feeling is not real. This is the result of 20 years of chipping away at your self-esteem. You're still a nice person, unlike him, and you might believe it is wrong to run out without warning him. But it is crucial that you don't tell him about your plans.

Please do not worry about him. He can take care of himself. This is his life that he created. He didn't take care of YOU and you must take care of yourself now.

Of course, if you are worried that he will come after you, take precautions to let your friend always know where you'll be and give her your family's phone numbers. Put the 911 on your cell phone's speed dial. Get in touch with the local abused women's organizations ahead of time so they will be acquainted with your situation.

You are doing the right thing. Be brave. Keep in touch.

I am OUT and I am SAFE. It has been a trying few days but I am feeling so much relief now it is not funny. Thank you to everyone who send positive thoughts and prayers my way!