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Joined: Jul 2012
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Jul 2012
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Does your son have a girlfriend that you know isn't good for him? Do you say or do anything to make him rethink his choice or do you keep silent?

I have a Hubpages article about my ideas on this matter, if you care to take a look. I'd appreciate your honest thoughts.

How to Accept Your Son's Girlfriend


Lori Phillips
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Elephant
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Nice Lori!

I like that your books are attached to the page as well. Gives me something to think about wink

BACK TO THE QUESTION ON THE THREAD...

Oh my! We're talking "Wicked..!" However, it isn't a son, but 2 family members that couldn't have picked worse partners if they'd played "Pin-The-Tail" on the (ehemmm we'll just censor this right now) lol.

Children are different and it IS such a fine line, esp. these days with what kids are into. It's agonizing watching adults pick partners who use them for their own gain, let alone children.

My husband actually found a woman's signature on his checkbook! He tried to be polite and used virtually all your suggestions, but when he saw that - among other things, like telling him to get out of his own house, lol...he finally said something.

I think with kids a lot depends how old they are and how much interaction you have with your children to make a positive impact on whom they chose to bond with. A lot is learning more about themselves and often the relationships don't last anyway.

As children get older, we have less say and can often drive the children into the arms of the person who may NOT BE a good choice, even a dangerous one, through defensiveness or anger and they then can become even more manipulated thinking you (the parent)doesn't understand them.

ADULTS??? I've learned sometime you simply have to know that particular "seat" has a nail sticking smack-dab in the middle of it, mention gently you've noticed some "unusual workmanship" and however painful, let them find for themselves, how much damage that "nail in the bum" will hurt once they've sat on it at the altar or anywhere else, after the he or she gets what they want, be it finances, property or simply "on the side" physical pleasure.

Watching any loved one head into the Lion's Den is a difficult thing to feel and or see happen, but it is after all their lives and not our own to lead and learn from.


Karen Elleise
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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Thanks for chiming in, Elleise! If there's any litmus test for a parent-child relationship, it is when the adult child must choose between parent and girlfriend/boyfriend.

Frankly, it's never good to put that choice before your child. I've always told my adult kids that even if we don't agree with their choice of mate, if that person makes them sincerely happy, we'll accept that person into the family. Nothing and no person could make me abandon or reject or disown my child. Ever.

But, when you see that this someone clearly is not good for your child, you have the right to voice your concern. This is when you must carefully approach your child in the right way so you don't come across as controlling him or his choices.

We have done this with our adult son. His former girlfriends were nice enough (in fact, I honestly loved one as my daughter and I miss her to this day), but they just weren't right for HIM (aka. he wasn't happy for one reason or more.) And they, in turn, wouldn't be happy with him for other reasons. He listened to our concerns because he knows we love him and want to prevent future misery.

But, come the day when he is so in love that he is willing to ride off into the sunset with this choice and never look back...we will be waving with tears of joy for him. I'm still waiting for the one who will cause him to declare: I can't live without her.

He hasn't found her yet.


Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
Bellaonline Marriage site
Twitter: @BellaMarriage

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