BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence shocked clueless

So i guess everyone on here likely felt that way I have had 4 indents, (one was really and accident not directed at me the other 3 were out right directed to hurt me) I should start with the 1st time but I am gonna start with that last... we were sleeping in the hotel room we had been out earlier had a few drinks and totally passed out. The alarm clock in the room went off he flipped out ... i was half sleep what i recall of it was him yelling at me about somehow causing the alarm (i set my phone alarm for the next morning bc i had a flight) next thing you know i am on the floor i not sure if he shoved me or kicked me out of the bed or threw me form the bed i was still sleeping (witch is the most alarming thing about this as i didnt even have an argument or anything with him to set this off not that i think if i was to be fighting with him i should be hurt but at least that makes some sense this makes none) well next thing u now he grabbing my face and squeezing it i dont he did this many times i started screaming and freaking out i think thats the only reason he backed off being in a hotel in all the next morning when i woke up i had cuts on my face under my eyes and nail marks along my jaw line... this was insane to me i dont even know how to wrap my head around this ... after a day half or so i had 2 black eyes form him grabbing my face as well as finger print(more like thumb print sized marks) on my jaw line) i dont know what to do he marked my face i have a lil scar under my eye i dont even get it i dont get it at all the other 2 intentional times were over the past 6 months the 2 was just week and half b4 this horrible event that happened at the hotel we argued b.c. i said i am tired i didnt sleep i cranky and he was pushing my buttons on purpose thinking it was funny so i got mad and yelled at him i don`t often yell at him mainly b.c. i never see how yelling fixes a prob i try talk things out but when i irritable i will blow a lil with words not in the sense of calling him names but calling him on giving me hard time we had a heated convo ending with him chasing me in the bed room holding his fist over my face like he was gonna punch me (it was termbeling) grabbing at my arms and slamming his hand leaving a huge bruise the size of his hand full spread on my cheas mostly whe hehad of hte hand hit as well and bruises on my arms i will note between that and the face thing he beat up his friend for stealing money form him (he never ever seemed like he do something like that when we 1st met a year ago we talked about family values and morals and how people should behave i am a veggie and i guess a bit of hippie i dont really believe in ppl hitting each other i believe in being a bigger person who can rise above that and always steered clear of ppl like that even in highschool) the 1st thing happened months ago he pulled my hair called me all kinds of names he accused me of being a cock loving whore b.c. i was wanting sex alot it was rude and horrible we got very hot with our words and he grabbed my by my hair got on top of me twisted my thumb backwards i really thought that would be it just that one time... the 2nd time he admits (not just cause of this but he does need medical help for mental heath issues) he admited this and has been seeking help but has panic attacks on the way to the doctors i have seen them they are not fake he breaks out in hives and you can see the symptoms that are not something you can create in ur self for attenion or sympathy he has a problem and needs help, that being said i love him and i know he has this self made future he tells him self that everyone gives up on him (he was adopted) it goes way back to not being wanted i know he thinks everyone will turn their back on him... I really dont want to i dont think i am safe alone with him if he knows he has mental heath issues and he knows he needs medication and is taking action to get on medication and wants to go to anger stuff (b4 he ever touched me we talked about this for his well being bc he was depressed and his panic attacks and also anger and trouble expressing his feelings with out blowing up) he wants these things even b4 anything happened with him hurting me he has tired to go to the doctors but had panic attacks am i crazy to want to not be another person who gives up on him we dated for a year and 2 months we are engaged and planning our wedding (no date set yet) To me that means alot i know alot of ppl get divorces and go in thinking ohh if things dont work i will just get one but i truthfully don`t believe in thatto me marriage is sposta be u work thru bad things i just am totally in shock its sorta ironic b.c. when i talked about my thoughts on marriage i always said unless the guy abuses you or ur children(or other ppls) or cheats on u those are the only times divorce is possible in my mind its not i don`t care he hurt me i know its totally not right i told my self the 1st time if it happended again then the 2nd time i just i dont know and now i have mark on my face and i am just like holy [censored] i dont know how i got to this place ontop of that i have a part of my mind saying are u saying ur so vain your beauty means more to you then he does i want to help him ... my mother is bipolar (we think he is as well) i firmly believe that everyone needs love and i know for a fact with medication people are different then with out i just dont know what to do or how to be safe and i have a lil scare on my face and i always hard perfect skin i dont even get zits on my whole body i have 3 scars now 4 i always been very carful i never hurt my self i freaking out i totally freaking out i dont know what to do or how to bring up that hey we have to do something abut this now b.c. thats not aloud to happen again ... we said that but he needs to really talk it out i was scared to talk it out b4 but we need to and omfg i just dont know what to think i dont even wear face make up and he had to go buy me face make up we went to ulta and the whole getting someone to match my skin tone while i had black eye i just wanted to die i dont know what to do or who to tell i dont want my family and friends to hate him

If he is abusing you, why do you care if YOUR family and friends hate him? Is it really worth marrying someone who treats you like this? There is a way out, even if he has mental health issues, you really need to evaluate what your future is going to be like enabling the abuse like you have.

he's manipulating you with the whole "everyone leaves me" bit, they all do that, my abuser did that. don't fall for it. also, i know plenty of men who are bi-polar who would NEVER hit a woman, ever. his bi-polar defense is just another excuse to have you pity him and guilt you into staying by his side. real talk: this guy will end up killing you if you don't leave him now while you still can. don't become a statistic. he is not who you want him to be, he NEVER will be. i promise you that. i know.... he may say "baby i love you, i need help, i am not a monster" but he is. and he will beat the [censored] out of you until you run or he kills you. do yourself a favor and talk to a trusted friend. what is happening to you may cause you shame or embarrassment but your LIFE is worth more than any of that. abusers don't care about you, they care about themselves. if you leave him, he'll just move onto another woman and beat the hell out of her too. they never stop the cycle and never get better. abuse is ingrained in them. anger is ingrained in them. jealousy and control are ingrained in them. not love, not empathy, not compassion... just rage. leave now and do it when he's not around. i did it. so can you.

I agree with Jeanette and bruisednotbroken. There is no possible way a marriage between the two of you will ever work out with the state he is in.

He needs to get control over his emotions and his life before he ever thinks of marrying anyone, and that will require very extensive professional therapy. You need to move on with your life and do better for yourself than this. The abuse will never stop unless you stop it, by loving and respecting yourself enough to leave now and never look back. It is time for him to grow up and face the music, and he can only do that on his own.

Nobody deserves to be abused, no matter what the reason or circumstance. Don't lose your life over this. No man is worth that.