BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Go on or call it quits...what would you do?

Hello everyone. I am in a bit of tough spot. The guy I am dating now, we have known each other casually for years but lost contact for awhile. I started hanging around him a little over a year ago and we started exclusively dating at the end of September. After about a month of dating, things got hot and heavy one night and we were very very close to (lets be blunt) having sex. He stopped and told me even though at our age it is awkward to say, he wanted to save himself for marriage. Now mind you, he has been married, has a kid, and years ago he was very easy. He also is a former drug addict (he has been clean for almost 10 years) and turned to Christianity to help with his sobriety. So now he is very religious, I am not. He is looking to settle down, get married, etc etc. I on the other hand do not want to marry again. I was married once for almost 14 years, I can't see myself doing it again. I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks due to me being away for work. I will see him Wednesday. We talk every day, several times a day, he makes me feel like a teenage love struck girl again. Before we started dating, I had no idea he felt this way (about no sex until married). We were only friend's so the subject never came up. I can feel myself falling for him but do I keep on going, maybe he will change his mind? Do I stop now before things get to deep knowing I doubt I will ever be ready for marriage? Do I keep going on, maybe he will change my mind? what would you all do?

Hi Tina! Guess we're both newbies here, so welcome! :) It sounds like both of you are growing to like one another a lot. If that's the case, you should be very honest with him about what you've said here (that you're not interested in marrying again, that you're not religious, etc) and let him decide whether or not to proceed. If you'd like the relationship to continue but you're concerned about these differences, just be honest with him. His faith must be pretty important to him since it's had such a powerful and positive impact on his life. You wouldn't want to undermine that, would you? HUGS and best of luck to you!

Hello Tina,

It seems you have two issues to deal with in this relationship - the sex & marriage issue and the religion issue.

It's possible that one or both of you could change your mind about either thing - but it'd be risky to keep going in hopes of that happening. If you came around to the idea of marriage, and of no sex before that, could you also go along with a married life in which religion played a big part?

But if you couldn't change in that way, would you continue a celibate relationship with him?

It's very difficult, when you really like someone and feel you could fall in love with them, to decide that you are not right for each other. Only you can make the tough decision.

Best of luck; I hope everything works out for the best.

Thanks ladies. Since we have been apart, the talking alot has really helped. The night he put the brakes on, I told him exactly how I felt about the marriage idea. I told him again today. He says he still wants to stay the way we are and see where things go. He said maybe he can change my mind or maybe he will have a change of mind. I can live with his strong faith and beliefs. I grew up in a Pentacostal family so I can deal with people who are religious. :) That's another reason why I am not pushing the sex issue with him. I don't want to be disrespectful or push him into doing something then him regret it then resent me for it. Thanks for listening!