I turn 39 in September, so I know exactly what you're going through.
I never wanted kids. Before we got married, I was honest with DH and told him it was a very likely possibility that we would not become parents. He said he was fine with it. That was 10 years ago, and he has since changed his mind. He would like a baby now. Granted, he's had some sad things happen in his life (parents went through a messy divorce, his mom is now paralyzed from bad spine surgery), but he is entitled to his opinion.
Since he told me of his shift 2 years ago, my life has been on hold. I am wracked with guilt about depriving him of something that would make him so happy. I have passed up numerous opportunities to advance my singing (a meeting with a NY agent being the largest one) because in the back of my mind, I feel I should suffer in some way because he is such a wonderful man, and I can't bring myself to do this for him. If he isn't going to be 100% fulfilled, why should I be? There are some cracks in what I previously thought was a perfect marriage. I am a planner, and I painstakingly planned my future and my marriage, and I am very resentful and angry over this. I've told him so on occasion, and he has been apologetic. He says he will not leave, but I almost wish he would so that he could find someone who will be filled with joy at the idea of giving him what he wants.
So now I've begun seeing a therapist to figure out, after stalling for 2 years, how I would like my life to look. It is my life, and I can tailor it however I want. I am not responsible for anyone's complete happiness outside my own. My husband must fulfill his own life, and if that means leaving me so that he can have that baby, then I wish him well. But I refuse to be afraid. That realization has been very freeing for me (and it probably means that I don't want children!).
You are in an easier position than I because your husband is giving you the final say and seems ok with whatever that may be. But it is the WORST when you feel like you can't just be true to yourself, so that is what I wish you going forward. Take time for you and you will discover what you really want. I wish you clarity and peace as you figure things out!
