It's not such a simple question. For one thing, it is like comparing apples to oranges.
A love for a husband is very different from love for your children. The first falls into the category of "Eros" (romantic love.) The second is more of an "Agape" (unconditional love) or even "Storge" (love and affection through familiarity/family) type of love.
You simply cannot compare the two. Can you truly love your husband unconditionally? That is, even if he should have faults such as infidelity, addictions, abusive temper, chronic lying? What if he stops loving you and falls in love with another woman? Most likely you would withdraw your love. There are boundaries we draw in a marital relationship.
In our relationship with our children, those boundaries are wide or rarely exist at all. We simply love and forgive our children over and over and over again.
When a pastor says you should put your husband first, he certainly does NOT mean that you should love your husband more than you love your children.
If he does, he does not understand love.
There are situations where your husband and marital relationship should come before the kids' activities but not all situations.
But the way I see it, these are OUR children. Our pack to love and protect together. I am taking care of and loving HIS children. That is a profound way I show how much I not only love our kids but how much I love HIM. I would die for HIS children.
We made a pact to put the kids first until they were old enough to fend for themselves. We still made time for weekly date nights and getaways. We still have plenty of the two-of-us time. But we always always are sure the kids' needs and wants and happiness are taken care of.
I hate to see couples use this "spouse first" rule to deny the kids time with the parents. One-on-on time with each child is vital, too.
My kids know that I love them unconditionally. Would never divorce them. I'm sorry to say that as strong as my love for my husband is, our marriage can be brittle. Honestly, would a wife stay with a man who confessed to cheating for years or being a closet pedophile or realizing that he doesn't love her? Actually, I have known wives who have stayed through those situations but a healthy-minded woman would not suffer that.
So no, I cannot say I love my husband MORE than my children. I love my children so unconditionally. And sadly, my love for my dear and precious husband whom I honestly believe I loved unconditionally because it has been tested through the years is still subject to conditions. I know that there could be situations that might call me to withdraw my love.
I love my husband deeply and eternally but I would withdraw from our relationship if he treated me badly or if he fell in love with another woman. So my love for him is conditional after all...
:*( What a sad realization.
I do love him unconditionally in that I would continue to love him in an AGAPE love way but perhaps not an EROS or romantic way anymore.
On a good note: Tomorrow we celebrate 28 years of marriage! Yay! We just returned from an out-of-town trip and it was fantastic. He is teaching me photography and we snapped pics here and there. Alone time was amazing. We're still very much in love.
In fact, I love him more than I did on the day we married.