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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
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Joined: Dec 2012
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Well, I imagine the title explains my concern. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now, ever since we were 14. We're now 19 and everything seemed great. Last month, I found out that he had cheated on me. He did not have sex with her but they still did "things". I am just confused, I am his first girlfriend so I mean I do understand that maybe since we were so young that you just want to see what it's like being with someone else? We had the longest talk about it which involved a lot of tears on both our parts. He said he doesn't know why he did it, it was so sudden. Everything was great. I don't understand why someone would ruin something so great for no reason. I mean sure we had our ups and downs but we were at a really good place. Yes we are still together (no judgement please)but I'm just a little worried. He told me it was just a terrible mistake and that he would never EVER do it again cause he hated the way he felt afterwards (I know most of you reading this are probably going "what is she thinking, does she actually believe him? Dump his [censored]" But the thing is I've been with him for nearly 5 years, I've grown up into the person I am with him. I am deeply in love with him and I do know he is in love with me as well. I do think he was just curious to see what it would be like being with someone else since I am his first girlfriend and we've been together for so long. I am however worried that maybe subconsciously without realizing it, I might be getting boring to him almost like I'm too familiar. For example, let's say pizza is your favorite food and you had to eat it everyday, sure at first you love it but eventually you get tired of it and just don't want it anymore. I don't want to have to think that way but I am scared that later maybe down the road when we're married and have kids that it'll happen again because of that reason. Is there anything I can do? Any advice from someone who has gone through something familiar? I do genuinely believe he is sorry and he regrets it so please no hate. I do know of relationships that have gone both ways, someone cheated and both partners worked it out and grew stronger and others couldn't overcome it and called it quits. Is it normal for me to feel this way? I guess I just really need some advice. Thanks for listening, Jessica

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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 36
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You are so young and it sounds like you both may be getting a little stale. I remember breaking up from my first love at 23 and it was hard but I'm glad I did. I had things to experience before marriage. Your bf sounds very caring and that he regrets almost cheating on you. Men have a harder time with it because men are visual and women are more into one man relationships in general. I worked at a huge plant with 1,000 employees in an all male department and I learned a lot about men there. They act different at work then when around their wives. At company picnics I would laugh at how different they were when with their families. Don't get me wrong, some men are princes and love their wife enough to keep work about work. Other men were dogs behind their wifes backs and chasing anything in a skirt. Women can be this way too.

I am 50 now and after my divorce I dated a few cheaters. I caught a few red handed and it does hurt. They will usually reveal themselves in time. The best thing you can do is dump a cheater because they do seem to be addicted to the chase. One guy I dated was seeing a woman behind my back and was making the same vacation plans with her that he was making with me! I caught him when I was feeding his cats while he was away on business. His answering machine was blinking and curiosity got the better of me and I played his messages and just about fainted! Red flags are when they don't let you meet their family and friends or don't invite you over to their place overnight. I found out one man was married this way.

My advice to you is to keep your options open. Also keep an eye on him to see if he is a serial cheater. Some women can handle it but I couldn't. Don't accuse him of cheating all the time because that will push him away. I mean just check up on him and make sure he is telling the truth. If it was a one time thing you should be ok. Good Luck!

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 36
K
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Offline
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K
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 36
You are so young and it sounds like you both may be getting a little stale. I remember breaking up from my first love at 23 and it was hard but I'm glad I did. I had things to experience before marriage. Your bf sounds very caring and that he regrets almost cheating on you. Men have a harder time with it because men are visual and women are more into one man relationships in general. I worked at a huge plant with 1,000 employees in an all male department and I learned a lot about men there. They act different at work then when around their wives. At company picnics I would laugh at how different they were when with their families. Don't get me wrong, some men are princes and love their wife enough to keep work about work. Other men were dogs behind their wifes backs and chasing anything in a skirt. Women can be this way too.

I am 50 now and after my divorce I dated a few cheaters. I caught a few red handed and it does hurt. They will usually reveal themselves in time. The best thing you can do is dump a cheater because they do seem to be addicted to the chase. One guy I dated was seeing a woman behind my back and was making the same vacation plans with her that he was making with me! I caught him when I was feeding his cats while he was away on business. His answering machine was blinking and curiosity got the better of me and I played his messages and just about fainted! Red flags are when they don't let you meet their family and friends or don't invite you over to their place overnight. I found out one man was married this way.

My advice to you is to keep your options open. Also keep an eye on him to see if he is a serial cheater. Some women can handle it but I couldn't. Don't accuse him of cheating all the time because that will push him away. I mean just check up on him and make sure he is telling the truth. If it was a one time thing you should be ok. Good Luck!

Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
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Joined: Dec 2012
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Thank you for your reply! I do understand what you are coming from. I would hate it happening again if it did and ultimately that's what I'm afraid of, I don't want to keep getting more serious for something to happen like that again. One thing that did relieve me was he does involve me in many things in his life like for example I recently went on a work cruise with him. I definitely will keep an eye on him, I wish I would of had signs that he was gonna do something like that the first time so at least this time I'd know what to look for but it was so sudden but I guess you live and you learn. I hope he has learned from what he did enough to know that he never wants to feel that way again so I suppose only time will tell. Thanks again!


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