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Have you had a close friend who has become estranged since giving birth? Have you made an effort to contact her?

Check our article this week is Friends with Kids. We would love to hear about your experience.

Very interesting article, Patricia. My experience was that friendships tended to fizzle out once my friends had children. They made new friendships with other parents, and whenever I was invited to join any kind of gathering, I would just sit glassy eyed whilst everyone else talked about their kids! It's not an experience I wanted to repeat too often. Even if I arranged a one to one meeting, most of the conversation revolved around the child / children.

Now I'm older, I find that most people I meet are grandparents and talk mostly about their grandkids. It can feel very isolating at times.

Thank you for your feedback. It can be a lonely journey for those who do not have children to hang out with those who do. Establishing childfree friendships is an important goal. Having that support system by others who share your same belief is a must. In my experience, some friends are not meant to be in our lives forever, but are there to provide us with lessons.

Thanks for sharing Grace.

Hey Grace,

I was too darn selfish to have kids.

At least I took responsibility for that.

Isolation can be tough and feeling outcast is not much fun either.

But, hey at least I didn't screw up a kid !!

-- Burt B.

my cousin has two child now,we have little to talk since she had a baby.every time ,i ask her to go out ,she always says she has no time,she need to stay at home to look after her children .i don't know how to deal with her.

Patricia,

I agree that some friendships are not meant to be permanent. People often hang on to old friendships out of a feeling of obligation, when really these relationships have run their course and need to be let go.

Hi Burt,

Yes, in some way we may be selfish in not having kids (I've been accused of that often enough!), but I think we're selfless too. As you say, at least you didn't screw up a kid. I could never have been a good mother - just wouldn't have been sufficiently interested - so any child of mine would probably have suffered emotionally.

Very thought provoking article. I have lost many friends to "Baby". My experience, though, seemed to border on a jealousy issue. I had a friend who had a baby and fell off the radar...when we hung out...she would talk about the baby, which I loved hearing about, and I would talk about what I was doing. Her responses were always "When did you learn Arabic!?!" "In Egypt!?! When did you go to Egypt!?!" and she would make comments about how my husband and I spend too much money on vacations and frivolous things. The last time I spoke to her, she told me her mommy friends "understood her life" better than I did, so she was going to hang out with them.
On the same page, the last time we heard from my husband's best friend was 2 years ago when he invited us to a Superbowl party with his 3 kids and all their parent friends, but hubby said we couldn't go because we were going to Paris. His response: "Well, you won't have any place to go when you're old if you go on all these vacations now..."

Hi Swearbear

The remark made by your husband's friend was just so amazingly stupid! Sounds like a seven year old trying to come up with a clever put-down in the schoolyard - definitely some envy and resentment going on there!

I think a lot of parents resent the freedom enjoyed by their childfree friends but daren't admit it, so they use this kind of passive aggression instead. Very sad.

Janet:

If your cousin means that much to you, you could always offer to help her babysit on occasion, and perhaps express how you feel. You can try to schedule a time to meet for lunch periodically or what not. But you must remember, new mothers are very busy, and they may not be neglecting you on purpose. What free time most of them have is spent getting caught up on their sleep. Worst case scenario, you could always go over to her place to visit. Eventually, her situation will change, so try not to write her off permanently.

Thanks for your feedback.

Sounds like your friends with kids would like to have you in their company, but on the other hand are having a difficult time dealing with your freedom and means to travel, very common amongst the childfree. Unfortunately, not everybody understands the childfree lifestyle, and comments like that can be very hurtful. Try calling them sometime just to see how things are going, they may be wondering the same about you. You could always arrange a dinner out with them, minus the kids, just to catch up.

Thanks for your feedback.