Thanks so much Lisa xo I bounced back that afternoon, but it was a horrible morning. I haven't felt the need of a mum so strongly in my life as I did that morning! Partly hormonal I guess, but I'm since trying to make changes to the way I interact emotionally with everyone around me... trying to receive more, if that makes sense. Receive their smiles, their eye contact, their nice words as support for me. Usually I'm in giving mode, and I think I've just run out!
I didn't reach out to anyone else, but your lovely comment and a random thoughtful message from an aunt helped. I would like to reach my mum eventually. We've had some little breakthroughs but I think it's going to take more constant effort. I just wish there were more warm, loving older women around. My husband and I would both benefit so much from that kind of company. Even just to have warm and caring people in the community around us. The lack of it is inspiring me to aim to be a more close and loving mum anyway...