BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Mental Health Common Myths of the Childfree Woman

Childfree women often experience the unfortunate fall out of being viewed as selfish, not nurturing, or even worse, a child-hater. While there are several myths about her situation, this article takes a look at some of the more common misconceptions and why these conclusions are often wrong.

Common Myths of the Childfree Woman

What a great article and subject, Dr. Hershey. So true. As a mother, I used to think such false ideas. Then, my adult daughter who has a disorder learned she cannot physically bear a child. But even before that, she knew she did not want them. She loves children but she knows herself, emotionally and psychologically.

It got me thinking about women and the choices we make. We believe we live in a free country but there are limitations still imposed upon us by society.

True liberation means being able to choose according to your own free will. And it dismays me to see that we women still try to keep each other within what we think are acceptable limitations and expectations.

Being a woman is more than procreating. Do we ask of Einstein, Lincoln, Gandhi, Socrates, "Well, thanks for all of your contributions to society but did you have a child?"

There are women who were destined to experience life in other ways. Why must we judge that?

Because ' society ' has competed for thousands of years thusly:

Men compete with money, power, wealth, land ownership, conquest of ' your enemies ' and violence.

Women compete with beauty and babies which leads to wealth and honor.

This momentum has a long, sick and bloody history.

Many women have babies just to satiate their human pride.

I'm glad I've had a mother who loved me, but it took too much out of her, so I chose not to have children of my own.

We live in a very, very sick world, and the destain and judgement that your daughter and you feel is very embedded.

I know that this is weird, but sometimes I wish they would blow this place up so we could start again.

The entire middle-east conflict(s) can be summed up by beginning with ' the pride ' that the bondswoman had over Sarah when she brought forth Ishmael before Issac.

I despise the fact that we are social animals and have social needs.

All it leads to is pain and hurt ' when we are not accepted '.

I think it is stupid all of these unwritten social ' shoulds '.

Look where it has gotten us.

-- Burt B.

Lori,
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective on this topic.
We all want acceptance and understanding for the life choices we make.....it is human nature. This one seems to touch at people's emotions in a very strong way.

I truly believe their feelings and reactions to childfree woman are their own misgivings, concerns, or fears, etc.

I would love to hear what other people have experienced when asked the children question...

Ilyssa,

I really enjoyed your article. I do not have children. And to be honest I am very happy with that. In fact, I never really wanted children. BUT I do love children. It is just that my love and talents have not seemed destined to be put toward children.

I can't say that anyone has particularly asked me about children or responded with uncomfortable questions. But I have often felt a bit sad and excluded when other women are talking about their children and families. This is not because I miss having children but more because it makes me the odd woman out. Which I think comes from a soceital expectation.

I have cats who I lavish love on and spend a lot of time with the family I do have.

I have experienced people who seem shocked that I don't have children and don't know what to say. Your article reminds me that following a different path is just as important as following the expected path. Besides, the world needs to be made up of all different perspectives.

Sandra,

I am beginning to realize that there are many women who chose not to have children. It is amazing to me as I really didn't think there would be so many! After posting this article, I received a few e-mail responses and the article generated more readers than any of my other articles.

In regards to your important and accurate comment about following a different path....

Three women wrote a book called "Being Fruitful Without Multiplying". This book is a compilation of stories from men and women of all ages from across the globe sharing why they chose to be childfree and how their lives have been as a result. It is a wonderful book for those who are ambivalent, unsure, or just feel so judged and misunderstood, as well as for others to understand better this life choice. I believe it can really help those women/men better understand their feelings and decision, as well as let them know they are not alone.

I know several women who chose not to have children. I never thought much about it until this forum post.

I will definitely have to read the book you mentioned. Thanks.

Three books have been written on this topic in 2013 alone. This topic/lifestyle choice is really growing.