Hi everyone, I'm new here and looking for a place to ask a question without being judged. This forum seemed to fit the topic the best, so I'll ask here. I've been seeing someone for about 6 months now, and he has a child from a previous marriage. I haven't met the child yet. There seems to be a strange custody arrangement (maternal grandparents have custody), and my boyfriend doesn't have a set visitation schedule that I am aware of. The child lives approximately an hour away from my bf, but my bf has only visited the child a couple times a year. He has a good relationship with the guardians of the child and they are not playing games preventing him from seeing the child. He has stated he feels like he is a bad father and can't take care of a child. His marriage was on the rocks when the pregnancy occurred and he wasn't certain if he was the father until he had a paternity test done. He pays child support and bought Christmas gifts, but doesn't talk much about the child. He has a few photos on display, but the child doesn't seem to be on his mind often. I have no immediate plans for children, and am leaning towards being child-free (for unrelated reasons), but I have a problem with his relationship with his child. I have no problem with the idea of being a step mother (possibly in the future if it gets to that point), I just wish he would take responsibility. I've had a small conversation with him about his child, and he said he needs to quit making excuses and see the child more, but doesn't appear to be making any sort of effort. I'm aware it isn't fair to the child for me to be the driving force behind visitation (if the relationship ends, the visits probably would too), and he knows I'm not pleased with things the way they are. There were some mental health issues in the past that are resolved now, and I wonder how much that plays into it. At this point, I almost feel like I care more about his relationship with his child than he does (I hope that isn't true). I'm on birth control since I'm not planning on having children any time soon, but we are both aware of the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. He claims he would stick around if it happened (he would prefer terminating the pregnancy, but I'm not sure if I could make that decision or not if put in that situation). The idea of being a single parent is always on my mind. In every other way, our relationship is great. We get along very well, have similar interests and lifestyles, my family likes him and his family likes me. This is the only problem our relationship faces right now, and I'm not sure how to approach him about it. I have trouble communicating problems (not just with him, with everyone), don't like confrontations, and have a hard time saying what I mean to say. That is making it very hard to approach the subject with him because if I don't do it right, it could wind up going in the wrong direction quickly. I've spent a couple months trying to figure out how to approach the topic and am getting nowhere. Any ideas/advice on how to do so? I'm not looking for replies saying things like "Leave him" or "run", I'd like to work on the problems in the relationship. I believe people run too easily from their problems and I feel like this relationship is worth fighting for.