For years I was someone that set a goal and went after it cold turkey. I was my worst critic (probably still am) and my quietest cheerleader.

Having children awakened me to recognize a softer side of me. I was able to encourage and support them in anything they attempted.

Then, as they got older, I noticed, my words were not the things they learned from most, it was my actions. Furthermore, I noticed that I was becoming more fierce with my girls in an effort to guide them toward positive choices (ironic huh?).

Taking inventory of my whole health, as I do twice a year, I realized that this concept was creeping into all areas of my life. With that, I decided to make a correction. I began by looking at my interactions with me.

Once I became gentler with myself, it became easier to be gentler with my girls. I noted my missed steps and forgave myself, moving forward with the personal knowledge that every moment is an opportunity to do better. With my girls watching I softened that protective shell I was wearing.

Furthermore, when they came to me to discuss things they felt remorse for, I was able to to respond with a hug, positive words, and my new motto; "Every moment is an opportunity to do better."

As a result my family is a closer knitted tapestry. I have made amazing whole health strides. And finally, I have become a gentler human being.

I hope this thread and the article written in its spirit will inspire someone to be more gentle with themselves.

Being Gentle With Ourselves

Chime in and tell me how you feel.

Sometimes that hardened shell, for women, comes from having to guard ourselves in a male dominated world.

Do you feel that your feminism is a gift or causes you problems?

Great article, Yvonnie.

I had no choice but to be gentle with myself after suffering a great loss in my life. It was the only way to survive. I continue on with it as I am healing, because to me it is necessary. I try not to be upset with myself if I can't get everything done I want to in a day. I have gotten into the habit of giving myself a break when I can.

And being feminine is a gift. I like myself just the way I am.

Debbie-

I am pleased to know that you are gentle with yourself. It is such an important attribute for anyone.

I agree, being feminine is a gift for me. I wonder if others feel the same?

Yvonnie, it is true that sometimes we are too strict for ourselves, we ask, require and force ourselves to do so many things that we are unwilling to, we should indeed be gentle with ourselves to let those annoying things go.

Meredith-

Strict, indeed we can be too strict on ourselves.

Annoying, I love the context of how you use your words. It is often those things that annoy us that are the very things we are nagging ourselves about and nudging ourselves to improve upon or correct.

Let's make a pact to get better at removing those strict guidelines and annoying things (am I not being gentle) .

I'm in!

I have learned to let go of a lot of unrealistic expectations that I have put upon myself in the past, and maybe what others have too. I just don't do what doesn't feel right anymore. Life is still a struggle at times, but I am not here to impress anyone. My focus is getting through each day the best I can and finding moments of peace for myself.

Gosh I'm feeling a Deja Vu all over again. Been there, done that Yvonnie. The only thing is my three daughters own family life became a struggle for them. Two of them took after their father and cheated on their spouses, and one of them had a jealous husband. Consequently they all went through the divorce periods, and well once they found out about their own fathers deceitful ways they are having a hard time with it all and decided to keep their distance. I can't say as I blame them, and I certainly don't blame myself for their mistakes, nor for staying away. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses, who am I to judge another, and I certainly don't judge myself. I'll try for a while to reconnect, but I certainly will not crawl to anyone. I am who I am, and that's no bad thing. We can only do our best, and if our best is deemed not good enough, so be it. That's just part of lifes pathway to gaining more wisdom. I am gentle on myself, I just wish others would be too, lol. Blessings Margaret

Maggie-

Your words remind me of Don Miguel Ruiz, Author of The Mastery of Love and The Four Agreements, when he says humans are the only species that have to pay for the same mistake over and over again. We do not forgive ourselves and others will not let us.

Family dynamics are an intricate web of emotional and spiritual energy; twisting and turning, mixing and knotting, kneading and smoothing, and hopefully, healing. Of course your girls are staying away because, as you already know, they are feeling guilty. They have not forgiven themselves. It is not you that they are angry with, it is themselves. They probably feel they have betrayed you just as their father did and rather than face you, they will hide so as not to have to accept their own responsibility. I truly hope they learn to forgive themselves and realize that you do not blame them for anything. The healing that will come with that is enormous.

I commend you for knowing you so well.

A great book that you can send to your girls is The Four Agreements. The agreements written in this book are:
1) be impeccable to your word.
2) do not take anything personally
3) do not assume anything
4) always give your best

I pray that they mend things with you before anyone decides to depart the earth because that pain goes on for a very long time and is not as subtle as the pain they are currently going through.

My prayers go out for you and your family.

Thanks for sharing.