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#807705 - 02/24/13 07:47 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Lori - Marriage]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1855
Originally Posted By: Lori - Marriage
I find it interesting that you consider your life journey a "wasted" life when, in fact, you've been doing a lot of living, a lot of experiencing.


Thank You Lori smile

I was never able to support myself in the outside world away from my family.

Because of re-lapses, I had no place to go so I had to stay with my elderly parents until they died.

Not able to support myself let alone a wife and a family.

That's why it feels wasted and barren.

-- Burt B.
_________________________
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#807708 - 02/24/13 08:05 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Lori-Dreams]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
I noticed in the other thread, you mentioned that chit-chat bores you after I posted how I was visiting with family and friends...as though chit-chat was a mindless, worthless endeavor. Beneath you. I was going to post that connecting with others is a worthy endeavor to me that involves more depth than chit-chatty "how's the weather?" conversation. Helping others feel remembered, helping them feel significant and loved, wanting them to know you want them in your life is no small matter.

But I am glad you offended me. It gave me cause to reflect. In reality, no one can offend unless one takes offense so I asked myself, "Why did I feel offended? Why must I feel the need to defend or protect myself? It must be my ego."

Ah, the ego. The truth is that there is nothing to defend. I am me. You are you. Both of us are going through life learning what we can. In our own way, our own time. The truth is that I am small and mindless. Just as I also am capable of profound thought. We are at once ALL and NOTHING. This exchange only showed me my own human flaws and weaknesses. I am reminded how I need more humility. For that, I thank you sincerely. smile

“When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” ~ Buddha
_________________________
Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

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#807709 - 02/24/13 08:11 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Lori-Dreams]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Oh, the above was meant for loong. smile

As for you, Burt, I think we all get caught up in trying to live up to standards set by society. What worldly accomplishments have we attained? How much money? How grand a house?

In the end, it isn't about social standards at all. But spiritual standards.

I don't mean to venture such odd beliefs, but I sincerely believe that those who are not much in the eyes of society are of far greater worth in the spiritual dimension. They were the souls willing to come down to do the dirty work. It takes great humility, self-sacrifice and suffering while on this earthly plane. Yet, think of the service these souls provide so others can be tried and tested in order to grow!

To me, especially those who have mental challenges must have been the stronger souls. The demons you fight are inside your own head. You carry them with you so they do not go forth into the world to afflict lesser, weaker souls.

I have to tell you this curious dream I just had the other night regarding that. Inner demons. I will post in the Dreams forum.
_________________________
Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
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Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

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#807710 - 02/24/13 08:18 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Burt B.]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Originally Posted By: Burt B.
Originally Posted By: Lori - Marriage
I find it interesting that you consider your life journey a "wasted" life when, in fact, you've been doing a lot of living, a lot of experiencing.


Thank You Lori smile

I was never able to support myself in the outside world away from my family.

Because of re-lapses, I had no place to go so I had to stay with my elderly parents until they died.

Not able to support myself let alone a wife and a family.

That's why it feels wasted and barren.

-- Burt B.


I'm sorry that you feel your life was wasted and barren, but there are fruits of life and there are fruits of the spirit.

We don't always see the harvest from the seeds we have sown along the way.

It is very difficult to feel as though one has burdened others. Oh, how I am familiar with this! frown

And yet, you know the wonderful feeling of being of service to others, don't you? It takes a willing yet humble soul to allow others to serve him/her in order to grant them the joy and fulfillment.

There are reasons for all of this, for all of your life's events. You were born with specific conditions in order to live the life you have. It feels hard now. It is supposed to be.

But, my friend, you will be released from it all and then you will remember why you agreed to this path. Because of your sacrifice, those in your life were able to grow--or not. But someone had to give them the opportunity to pass, fail or simply experience.
_________________________
Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
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#807712 - 02/24/13 08:26 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: loongdragon]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1855
Originally Posted By: loongdragon
Dear Burt,

A lot of people consider me a :flake:.All my life was lived in anxiety,panic attacks,and until the age of 61,a form of anxiety trying to destroy what I had gained was there every second of my life,I called him my MOMSTER.
Those who never knew what you,Jilly and I went and are going through can sympathise,but cannot really understand what we lived,living.

I Understand you,I have Compassion for the 3 of us.

With brotherly love
Normand/loongdragon


Thank You loong, that was beautiful.

May you receive also loving compassion from my heart for your plight and for the overcoming of your internal monsters.

Lori,

Life is hard, and unfair no matter who you are or where you come from.

I think the distinction here is that unless you have been hospitalized and/or medicated for something most definitely wrong with you, and all of your family and friends now know that you had a nervous break down -- well, after that you can never be allowed to go through the normal human range of happiness, gladness or sadness.

Now, you just have to ' snap out of it '.

You now have the stigma and your employer, your landlord and every one knows it.

So now if you get angry at your neighbor and you say some curse word and throw your car keys at them without hitting them, you will promptly be taken down and arrested for attempted murder because you have a mental illness.

This literally happened to me.

If you're ' normal ' then -- aw, the guy just had a bad day, no harm, no foul.

You're never allowed again to express a normal human emotion -- ever.

Because of cr@ppy Stephen King movies.

Better catch him now, before he murders someone !

I was just upset.

I wasn't going to hurt anyone.

Try to live like that, and see if it doesn't make you bitter like me, loong, and Jilly.

To illustrate even further - if you had a shouting match with your husband -- public or private, they would take you down like a dog and shoot you with 1500cc's of thorozine in the hind.

Without the stigma, oh, that was just a lover's spat.

If you can ever imagine being stripped of your dignity and humanity that way -- then, maybe, just maybe you can understand a little bit of the disgrace we feel.

-- Burt B.
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#807713 - 02/24/13 08:33 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Lori-Dreams]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1855
Well, didn't mean to get in the middle of mudslinging.

Those are pretty posts Lori.

And, yes loong can get a little harsh at times.

But he is sick and hurting.

-- Burt B.
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#807714 - 02/24/13 08:37 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: Lori-Dreams]
loongdragon Offline
Koala

Registered: 09/21/12
Posts: 2200
Loc: Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
DearBurt,

Bitterness is not part of my vocabulary.Had 9 Burn-outs,between the age of 22 to 30.For me what I lived and living was my karma.
Today I am the happiest guy on this planet.
I pray every nite .tonite my prayers will be for the 3 of us,then for the rest of humanity.

With brotherly love

Loong/Normand
_________________________
loong


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#807716 - 02/24/13 08:43 PM Re: Euphoria as a symptom [Re: loongdragon]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1855
Originally Posted By: loongdragon
DearBurt,

Bitterness is not part of my vocabulary.Had 9 Burn-outs,between the age of 22 to 30.For me what I lived and living was my karma.
Today I am the happiest guy on this planet.
I pray every nite .tonite my prayers will be for the 3 of us,then for the rest of humanity.

With brotherly love

Loong/Normand


Good Point.

I guess it was my karma too.

Thank You loong, for pointing this out and for your prayers also.

With Brotherly Love,

Burt B.
_________________________
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