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#807349 - 02/22/13 10:43 AM Newbie - so glad I've found you!
Pusquito Offline
Newbie

Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 4
I can't work out the spacings - I'm sorry this is hard to read!! Hi everyone, In frustration I turned to Google today and came across this forum - what a revelation! Please forgive me for this big ramble - the only person I was able to discuss this topic with has today announced her pregnancy... I'm 27 years old, 5 years married, and am enjoying the freedoms that come with being young, healthy, sharing my home with my best friend and able to spend my money on myself. I was never a child to play with dolls and worried as as child about the fact that when I grew up I would have to have kids. I don't have a tale to tell of a particular Eureka moment but at some point it dawned on me that kids were optional - what a relief! :) I'm afraid that I have always been a bit of a"child-hater" who does the rest of the CF community no favours in terms of reputation. I just find children of all ages as appealing as a hole in the head - I don't like their smells, their noise, their babble, their questions, or find them cute, attractive or interesting in any way. I'm not interested in reading practice, bath time, changing booties, carting little people to ballet lessons or any of the other tedious tasks. This extends to my friends' kids and to my nephew. I would honestly pay more attention if they introduced me to their pet rock. But they know me well and don't mind...my mother, too, through some monumental self-control, has never mentioned children to me. I know she would adore grandchildren and must tell her at some point I really value her silence on the topic! My biggest frustration is colleagues, loose acquaintances and, in the worst cases total strangers, choosing to offer advice and challenge uninvited. Usually it is older women who adopt an expression that I can't really describe, but I'm sure you will all be familiar with. It's somewhere between sympathy - as though I have just revealed a terminal illness - and simpering - as though they are indulging a little girl's daydreams. They listen attentively as though my words are actually permeating....then the usual brush-off, "ah well, dear, it will be OK when you change your mind". Sorry, but I wasn't seeking your sympathy. You just asked me a personal question and I answered it instead of telling you where to go. Hubby is more of a fence-sitter. His official 'position' is that he doesn't want children at the moment, nor can he see himself ever wanting them, but he is prepared that he may change his mind in the future. Very balanced and reasoned. The irritating side to this is that while he accepts my choice, he too gives me the look you would give a daydreaming girly because I leave no room for changing my mind. He didn't speak to me for several days when I tried to explain that if he ever does change his mind his choice will be children or me, because I will not be having his babies. Perhaps because I put it as bluntly as that - oops!! Anyway, that is me, here I am. I hope you don't mind me barging in - I'm very glad to have found you :)


Edited by Pusquito (02/22/13 10:45 AM)

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Living Without Children - Automated Note
For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

#807350 - 02/22/13 11:51 AM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
HoneyBadger Offline
Newbie

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 8
Loc: NC
I know the exact look that you are referring to. I've also experienced looks of disdain from other women. Welcome and know you're not alone. =)

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#807404 - 02/22/13 02:25 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
loongdragon Offline
Koala

Registered: 09/21/12
Posts: 2200
Loc: Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
Dear Pusquito,
First welcome ,home. I am a 66 year old man ,one of the rare ones here.
Never had children,never wanted to,and never will .

3 out of 4 children in the world,including, North America,are regularely raped,abused,left to,, their nannys ,sold neglected.This might seem negative coming from a buddhist.Thetruth must alwayss be known.
I love your stand.
Welcome

Loong(buddhism)
_________________________
loong


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#807438 - 02/22/13 03:03 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Pusquito Offline
Newbie

Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 4
Thanks both. I'm looking forward to be able to come to you all for some respite.

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#807550 - 02/22/13 10:17 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Connie - ADD/Sandwiches Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chimpanzee

Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 7051
Loc: Kansas USA
Pusquito, I salute you and your good sense. You know that you don't want children and you are standing your ground. Good on you!!

I did not want children, but at age 31 changed my mind. They have enriched my life, but also changed its course. Children are a life-long commitment that should never be entered into lightly. I am satisfied with my choice, but would also have been fine without children.

Don't let those simpering looks, arguments with loved ones, or society's expectations influence you. Stand your ground! The only reason to have children is if YOU want them.
_________________________
Connie Mistler Davidson-Editor-ADD/Sandwiches
Attention Deficit Disorder
Sandwiches
Avatar: There is Hope~Even when conditions are harsh, hope can bloom.

Here is a link to my EBook.
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#807584 - 02/23/13 01:27 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1851
quote=Pusquito I can't work out the spacings - I'm sorry this is hard to read!!

Hi Pusquito smile

Yeah, these freaking computers with their off-the-wall, and weird formatting temperaments is enough to make a Preacher or Priest cuss a blue streak !! smile !!!

Weird thing is, that as soon as I quoted your text, all of your correct spacings came back !!

Go Figure.


Hi everyone,
In frustration I turned to Google today and came across this forum - what a revelation! Please forgive me for this big ramble - the only person I was able to discuss this topic with has today announced her pregnancy...

Well, that certainly made you feel like ' the odd man out ' or basically thrown overboard and put in a position of social pressure and ostracization !!!

I would highly suggest that you read this dinky little book, ( only 112 pages ), during this time of personal upheaval:

http:
//www.amazon.com/Jonathan-Livingston-Seagull-Richard-Bach/dp/0743278909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361638862&sr=8-1&keywords=jonathan+livingston+seagull


I'm 51 years old, a former competitive swimmer and a former ocean lifeguard -- raised Roman Catholic -- living with a woman who I'm not married to, with step-children and step-grandchildren living in another state.

I'm 27 years old, 5 years married, and am enjoying the freedoms that come with being young, healthy, sharing my home with my best friend and able to spend my money on myself.

And I'm here to say that there is not one dammed thing wrong or should I say, not one iota strange, weird, unconventional or taboo about your above statement.

In fact, I would say that it takes a great deal of courage, guts, self-knowledge, self-determination, self examination, and self awareness to know who and what you are, and put it in a concise statement.


I was never a child to play with dolls and worried as as child about the fact that when I grew up I would have to have kids. I don't have a tale to tell of a particular Eureka moment but at some point it dawned on me that kids were optional - what a relief! smile

Any dammed fool can screw.

I myself always thought that Sacred Energy eXchange has been so used and abused in our modern culture to manipulate masses and sell product that it has been diluted down to an economic control device.

Therefore, I strove to never get anyone pregnant.

Many times I torment myself for not doing so, because I have had such a wonderful stable family life growing up and a beautiful father who never left us kids or ran around on mom or beat her.

But, to get past these ' twinges of regret ' I look up DINK forums and read about famous CF people like George Clooney


I'm afraid that I have always been a bit of a"child-hater" who does the rest of the CF community no favours in terms of reputation.

Fear Not !!

Society is sick.

You have a right to see, think, feel and believe what you choose.

Being raised Catholic my elder relatives had a great deal of pressure to ' have as many children as you can '.

My Blessed Mother told me a story about when she was a teen and her aunt had 12 kids and the older sisters had to raise the younger ones, therefore totally denying their dreams of a career.

The older sisters became spinsters by choice and when she went to visit, the older ones, busy with the laundry were bitter and mean.

She called them Miss Meany.

She was just a teen at the time, and felt bad because she didn't realize that that older sister had no opportunity to live her own life.


I just find children of all ages as appealing as a hole in the head - I don't like their smells, their noise, their babble, their questions, or find them cute, attractive or interesting in any way. I'm not interested in reading practice, bath time, changing booties, carting little people to ballet lessons or any of the other tedious tasks. This extends to my friends' kids and to my nephew. I would honestly pay more attention if they introduced me to their pet rock.

What an incredible statement smile !

Can I copyright that ??!!

You said it.

I didn't.

Talk about double standards !!!

As a male, if I posted that, the FBI would be knocking on my door to put me in prison for being a pervert !!

I told you so-called " Society " is Very, Very Sick.


But they know me well and don't mind...my mother, too, through some monumental self-control, has never mentioned children to me. I know she would adore grandchildren and must tell her at some point I really value her silence on the topic!

Thank Her Right Now for her Courage and Backbone.

Now is all any of us have.


My biggest frustration is colleagues, loose acquaintances and, in the worst cases total strangers, choosing to offer advice and challenge uninvited. Usually it is older women who adopt an expression that I can't really describe, but I'm sure you will all be familiar with. It's somewhere between sympathy - as though I have just revealed a terminal illness - and simpering - as though they are indulging a little girl's daydreams. They listen attentively as though my words are actually permeating....then the usual brush-off, "ah well, dear, it will be OK when you change your mind". Sorry, but I wasn't seeking your sympathy. You just asked me a personal question and I answered it instead of telling you where to go.

And How To Get There !! smile !!!

Hubby is more of a fence-sitter. His official 'position' is that he doesn't want children at the moment, nor can he see himself ever wanting them, but he is prepared that he may change his mind in the future. Very balanced and reasoned.

Congratulations on having such a Hubby smile !!!

The irritating side to this is that while he accepts my choice, he too gives me the look you would give a daydreaming girly because I leave no room for changing my mind.

I want both of you to read this As Soon As Possible:

http:
//www.summituniversitypress.com/chapters/Wanting-to-Be-Born-Sample.pdf


He didn't speak to me for several days when I tried to explain that if he ever does change his mind his choice will be children or me, because I will not be having his babies. Perhaps because I put it as bluntly as that - oops!!

Stuff Happens smile !!!

Anyway, that is me, here I am. I hope you don't mind me barging in - I'm very glad to have found you smile

Likewise.

Cheers,

Burt & Connie,

Heathens, Mystics, Hermit, Sage, Societal Losers, Outcasts, Bottom-Feeders, Has Beens and all around Lovers of Truth, Peace, Beauty and Life Everlasting !

Yeah, that kinda sounds like us.

I never did like the fact that I actually volunteered to come to this backwater planet anyway.


Edited by Burt B. (02/23/13 02:21 PM)
_________________________
two cat you na versity

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#807588 - 02/23/13 02:02 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1851
Originally Posted By: Pusquito
Thanks both. I'm looking forward to be able to come to you all for some respite.


Unload your mind and your heart.

This place really is a warm respite.

Love, Peace and Beauty is yours for the asking,

Burt & Connie
_________________________
two cat you na versity

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#807729 - 02/24/13 10:40 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4402
Pusquito....welcome!

I had to laugh because I also viewed children like you do. I was 26 yrs old and two weeks into my marriage when I decided I didn't want to have children. This alienated my husband forever, even though he decided to stick it out with me until 16 years of marriage went by. Then he called it quits. I couldn't be a baby factory, even for him.

And yes, I have been through the looks and comments from other women too, like I was strange or sick because I chose not to have children. As you get older that stuff just does not bother you anymore, and you realize how ignorant some people can be. I am almost 46 now and I don't regret my decision to be child free.
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#807730 - 02/24/13 10:42 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Burt B.]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4402
Burt.....I love all of your comments. Right on, Brother!
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Spirituality Site Editor
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#807732 - 02/24/13 10:46 PM Re: Newbie - so glad I've found you! [Re: Pusquito]
Burt B. Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 09/09/11
Posts: 1851
Thanks Debbie smile smile !

I hope that it can be some of assistance to Pusquito.
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