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#806648 - 02/18/13 11:13 AM I Need Help, Please!
silentlywaiting Offline
Newbie

Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 3
This could be long. I will try to make it as short as possible. I have been in two abusive relationships and the second one I am still in. When I met the man I am with now, I was still broken over the first abusive relationship. This relationship has been horrible, to say the least. I have two children with him and he even abused me while I was pregnant. He has strangled me three times. I did have a restraining order against him, before I was even pregnant with our second child. I dropped the order. I am not certain why I dropped the order, but I feel it had to do with feeling bad that he didn't get to see his son. Plus, I have no support whatsoever. I had no money because he was (and still is) financially abusive. I dropped the order and became pregnant with our second child. Now, I am with him. I am trapped and alone. I am depressed because all I do all day is watch our children. I don't have the means to take care of them if we were to leave. The apartment that we're staying in is his and like I said earlier, I don't have any money to get an apartment of my own. My credit is horrible as well. If I were to leave him, I feel that I would leave our children with him. He has an apartment, a part time job and is going to school. I don't believe he would let me have a job, but I have been applying non-stop anyway. No one will hire me because of my past work experience. My resume looks horrible because of the two abusive relationships I have been in. Who would hire someone with huge, seemingly unexplained gaps in their work record? I can't very well put "Oh, I was unconscious here, here and here...in the hospital." My question is: Should I leave without my children? The man has only harmed me three times since dropping the order, but realize that he is not a very young man. In my opinion, he's too old to change a behavior that is also looked at by his parents as "not a big deal". He's almost 32. His parents do not believe in having children out of wedlock and still make me out to be the horrible one for not being married to him even though they know he's been in jail for abusing me. I'm extremely torn. I know there's help out there for single parents, but it seems like it's not enough. Because I am living with this man, it's required that the Department of Social Services speak to him as well about getting childcare, etc. I don't want him to know! Also, there's a huge waiting list for everything anyway. Standing back, it seems he's the best one to care for our children and I should just leave. He's a good father, but I fear that if I leave then he will NOT be a good father and he will begin to treat them the way that he does me. He won't have guaranteed, free care that I provided for our children. He will feel the stress and take it out on them. I am scared and I honestly don't know what to do.

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#806652 - 02/18/13 12:29 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Brenda C. Offline
Newbie

Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 4
Loc: Bucyrus, Ohio
GET OUT ASAP!! PLEASE!! There is help for you, call your nearest Domestic Violence shelter or have someone take you there and please take your children with you. Leave and please don't ever turn back, your kids are learning from him that this behavior is acceptable. If he's only hit you one time then that is one time too many, I'm so sorry you're going through this but he is NOT worth it. Your self esteem has been eroded and that's why you feel you "need" him. There may not be a next time, the next time he could easily kill you. You and your precious children deserve much better. Please get some help now before it gets any worse. Domestic Violence shelters usually will help you financially to get you on your feet, help you get a job etc. Hugs to you.

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#806668 - 02/18/13 03:39 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio
Brenda is right, shelters will help with everything or find a way for you to get help to get on your feet. I started college while in a domestic violence shelter and used my loan money to get an apartment. When I left the shelter, i had kitchen stuff, linens, a bed for the kids to share until i could get another one. We had enough food for 2 weeks and got help to get on food stamps before we left the shelter. There is help, you just need to look.
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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#806676 - 02/18/13 04:34 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
silentlywaiting Offline
Newbie

Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 3
I guess what I am mainly worried about is that I have a 2.5 year old who still sleeps in a crib and has a horrible time sleeping anywhere other than this apartment. Also, I have a ten month old. I don't want my children to be upset. I barely have enough energy as it is and I want to give my children the love and attention that they deserve. How do I find out if there are any family-oriented shelters in my area?

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#806677 - 02/18/13 04:55 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio
what state do you live in?
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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#806679 - 02/18/13 05:04 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio
You may also want to read what I wrote in this article to get on a path of getting out... Getting Out of a Domestic Violence Relationship


Edited by Jeanette - Editor (02/18/13 05:05 PM)
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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#806683 - 02/18/13 05:26 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
silentlywaiting Offline
Newbie

Registered: 02/18/13
Posts: 3
I live in NC. I read the article, but I don't have a support system and I have no money or any way, at this time, of getting money.

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#806686 - 02/18/13 05:34 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio


Also look for places that offer Transitional Housing. That is the type of place I stayed in. I was in a one room apartment that had a bathroom, and a tiny tiny kitchen. The rules were strict but I was safe. When I finally found my own place, they helped me get items for my apartment. If you have a car and some gas money, you can also call states around you and drive there if they can guarentee you and the kids a spot. If you want to talk privately so I can help you more specifically without revealing who you are on this public forum, email me, ok?


Edited by Jeanette - Editor (02/18/13 05:36 PM)
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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#806687 - 02/18/13 05:38 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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#806689 - 02/18/13 05:39 PM Re: I Need Help, Please! [Re: silentlywaiting]
Jeanette - Editor Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 12/12/04
Posts: 1891
Loc: Cincinnati, Ohio
_________________________
Jeanette Stingley - Women's Lit
http://womenslit.bellaonline.com

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