Hi All, I am currently self-employed, but barely making any money. So, I have to go back to work in an office in order to support myself. I hated, hated, hated my previous job and I am very anxious about getting into a similar situation. It is so hard to tell with just interviews. I received an offer yesterday. It will require me to relocate, which the company will help pay for, but I need to move to an expensive city. I will be going from a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom apartment. Rent on the apartment is more than my mortgage. Even though the cost of living is much higher, the salary will match what I made in the lower cost of living area. I saw some apartments and they are very depressing. Plus, I am worried about over-extending myself, since I will need to pay my mortgage as well as the rent. My house should eventually be rented, but I will have to pay $300/month to cover the difference between my mortgage payment and the rent I can charge on the house. I am worried about being over-extended. I am wondering if I should accept or reject this offer. I could stay in my house, file for bankruptcy to reduce my current expenses and continue to look for a job in my current location. I suspect that it will take a while to find a job where I live since I live in a smaller metropolitan area. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

That sounds like a tough choice. The best jobs are typically in the city. I wouldn't want to live in one but my son loves living in the middle of everything and refuses to buy a house in the suburbs.

Is either location closer to your family? I lived pretty far from mine most of my life and regret it. Especially for Thanksgiving or Mother's Day when it was to far to travel for a such a short holiday.

Hi Nola, I also read your other post in the Unemployment forum. Wow, what a tough situation to deal with.

Everyone has to follow her own path but from all the angst you've suffered from your previous corporate job and now with the anticipation of repeating the same pattern with your new corporate job...have you considered that the corporate grind isn't for you?

It is very scary for most of us to consider a career "outside the box" because as uncomfortable as that corporate box can be, it is safe financially. Yet, while your financial health is important so is your mental health! All that stress is horrible for your brain and body! It can lower your immunity which invites a host of serious medical conditions.

I'm wondering if your intuition is screaming at you not to go back to that corporate life that you hated so much.

You have a three bedroom house. If I were you (and I am not you but just offering what I might consider!) I would rent out at least one bedroom to bring in some income. I would consider other ways of earning money that didn't require me to do a whole lot. A part-time job. A fun one. There are many right now.

This way, the money would be there while I can concentrate on what it is I really enjoy doing which is writing. What is it that you really like to do?

Your new job sounds risky just for the change in pay scale and lifestyle. If you should turn it down, the HR department might counter with a higher pay grade. Accept only if it matches what you want.

Being over-extended will be a constant stress for you aside from all the moving and new job pressures. I see this as a situation where you can't really afford to accept this job.

Don't worry. There are better ways for you to work out your financial life.

Hi Lori-Dreams, Thank you for the reply. Yes, I absolutely feel that I am in the wrong career. However, my money is really running out. I had to withdraw from my 401(k) in order to pay my Feb. bills. My stomach is in knots and I am crying several times a day. I am trying to turn it all over to God/Universe, but that only lasts for a little while and then I get anxious again. I do have a roommate - my mom - and she would move with me if I go. The idea of moving to a big city and getting a 1 bedroom apt and one of us having to sleep on the couch is pretty unappealing. But, the idea of staying unemployed, making more withdrawals from my 401(k) and filing for bankruptcy is also unappealing. But, filing for bankruptcy would alleviate the significant credit card debt that I racked up over the past 1.5yrs. Also, in my state, if I am living in my house, then the house is protected. I could take this job, move into a small apt and still end up having to file bankruptcy if it takes more than 3 months to rent out of my house. I can't cover the mortgage and rent on a new place for too long. Or, if I don't do well at this job, they might let me go and then I would be out there in a small apartment and still have to file bankruptcy. Maybe I am supposed to stay in my house and look for a lower paying job in a different feild. I just don't know what feild it would be. I don't know what else I can do with my degrees.

Hi Nola,

I agree, it is a tough choice. These days if a job requires a degree, many only care that you have one, not necessarily what the degree is in. For example, my job as an HR Manager required a degree, I have one, but it's in PR not HR. This may be different in engineering or nursing.

In life there are a whole lot of "what if's". What if you find a job where you're currently living, what if you don't? What if you move and you have to file for bankrupcy? what if you don't. Living in a high cost of living area WILL add a lot of stress to someone who stresses over many things, but ultimately it's still a decision that you will need to make and handle the consequences as they come.

Given the issues you had in your previous job and knowing that the work environment also causes you stress, are you sure you want to move? So list the pros and cons of going and staying, job, benefits, bankrupcy, unemployment - you say that you do believe in God so pray, be still, have faith then choose, step out in faith that whatever choice you make, you will have difficulties but will need to deal with them.

Hi Dianne W, Thank you for the reply; I really appreciate it. I just got a call from one of my friends at my old place of work. She was promoted 4 months ago to a Manager position in my old department. She is just 29 and her blood pressure has gone up to 160/120 and she needs to be monitored by a doctor. She has also put on 15 pounds in those 4 months. She just told me that in Jan she started having panic attacks - 5 total, 2 in the office. Luckily, she was able to get to the on-site nurse at work for some help. She has never had them before. I feel terrible for her, but it also gave me a new idea: maybe a lot of my bad feelings about work really is because of the specific company I worked for. That said, I won't know until I try out a third company. If I have the same reactions that I had before, then I clearly need a new career. However, it might be tolerable...or better. Dianne, I would love to hear how you were able to find a job in HR even though your degree is in PR. I would still like to look at other career paths. Thank you for your great advice.

Nola, I am so sorry for your friend and I wish her well. True, there is such a thing as a bad company and there are such things as bad managers in companies either which can make working there a nightmare.

I would still say however, many times (and this is not true for everyone), it depends on the attitude and mindset you have toward a job. I have had horrible jobs and equally crazy bosses, but my mindset was to learn what I could, use the opportunity to coach and counsel other employees who were having a rough time. That, to this day, is one of the skills that has helped me so greatly in HR. If I got up every morning already feeling defeated, of course my entire day would reflect that.

Unfortunately, one thing we learn as adults, we are NOT going to like everyone we work with - and while no one should have to work in a place they hate, if we've got bills to pay and a family to feed, we will do what needs to be done. Find an outlet outside of work that allows us to let off steam. Remember companies are there to serve their customers, not necessarily to cater to employees. This may seem harsh, but it's true.

Instead of focusing on the negative, we HAVE to find the positve in situations not matter how bad, it may be the only way to survive. If we constantly look for the negative, we will never be able to dig our way into a better situation.

Since this is so long, I will cover the "how did I get here" in a separate post. :-)

Hi Everyone, I received an official offer from the job located in the bigger city. The pay is a few thousand more than I made in my current location. The cost of living difference between the city and my current location is significant. When I look at online state vs. state cost of living calculators, they all said that I would need to get paid 50% more in the new city/state in order to maintain my current standard of living. Here is my dilemma: if I accept this job and move, I will not have enough money to pay my basic bills and also cover the difference between the mortgage on my house and what I can rent it out for. I will be short every month by about $400. I could let my house go into foreclosure, and then I would break-even every month. I am just not sure what to do. I am currently living off of my 401(k), so I need a job. I am conflicted if I should take this offer, move into a small apartment and let my house go. Or, if I should reject this offer and hope that something else comes up where I live.

nola, why would you go through all of this only to break even *and* lose your house? That doesn't sound like breaking even to me. It sounds like going backwards in a big way.

If you lose your house, you won't be able to buy another one with bad credit or without a substantial down payment. Bad credit can ruin your chances of renting an apartment or even getting a job. Even if you file bankruptcy, your house will be protected.

And accepting the job offer and moving won't be offering you a better life at all. A one bedroom apartment in a bad area to share with mom. No job security. Paying more to eat less.

What are your degrees in?

Hi Lori-dreams, Thank you for writing back to me so quickly. I am just so afraid and confused. My degrees are in law and MBA. My student loans are $925/month. If I don't accept this job, my 401(k) money that I am living on will run out in 4 months. I am worried about getting another job before then because I live in a decent-sized (but not large) city. In my city, I have only had one job interview in 7 weeks. Even if I stay, I might file for bankruptcy just so I can stretch out my 401(k) money even longer. If I file for bankruptcy, I would need to not re-affirm the mortgage on my house. I would essentially be living in the house while it is being foreclosed upon. I am so angry at myself for getting into this situation and now putting my mom through it, too.