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#795757 - 12/11/12 01:32 PM A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime
Christine - Child Loss Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish

Registered: 01/23/11
Posts: 104
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Christine Phillips
Child Loss

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#796232 - 12/16/12 01:39 AM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
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Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4436
My heart goes out to you, Christine.

I am dealing with grief as well. The pain can be so overwhelming, even with the passing of time. All I can say is that I understand some of what you are going through. I did not lose a child, but I live next door to parents who have lost their only child, my dear sweet boyfriend. It does not matter the age of the child. I see the pain his mother suffers. The holidays are tough to get through for us all who have had such a close connection to our lost loved one.
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Debbie Grejdus
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#799395 - 01/07/13 09:49 AM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Christine - Child Loss Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Jellyfish

Registered: 01/23/11
Posts: 104
Good morning, Debbie -

I hope you managed through the holidays. Now it's on to a new year and for us it brings this mixed emotion of another year without our daughter, but another closer to seeing her again.

Be well.
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Christine Phillips
Child Loss

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#799408 - 01/07/13 10:54 AM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
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Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4436
Christine.....it was a little rough getting through the holidays and I am glad it is over.

I work in retail and the constant Christmas carols nearly did me in. There were times I either wanted to cry or scream. I felt the same during Christmas day at my boyfriend's family's place. I wanted to run out of there so badly. I don't have my own family close by and I am still very involved with his family. I needed to stay because I was driving his elderly parents back home, but I could barely stand to be there. They are all very nice to me, but I couldn't deal with not having him there. I felt so alone in a crowd of people.

The one year anniversary of my boyfriend's passing is coming up.....on the 14th. Sometimes it seems like only a couple of months ago he left us. There are definitely mixed emotions. I hope with the passing of years that the pain will ease a bit, but I can see that this year will be another hard one. Everything just still seems so fresh.

I hope we both can find some peace this year. Thank you for checking in.
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Debbie Grejdus
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#804233 - 02/03/13 07:03 PM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Lisa - Moms Offline
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Chipmunk

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 1545
Loc: Arizona
Debbie and Christine -

I've been thinking of both of you - and others who have had such incomprehensible loss.

Sending prayers of strength and healing and peace.....
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Lisa Pinkus

Moms Site

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#804258 - 02/03/13 10:36 PM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Lisa - Moms]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4436
Thank you so much, Lisa. The support I receive here is really helpful and comforting. I am still struggling with grief on a daily basis. Thankfully it is not constant but it comes and goes. I take things one day at a time and I often feel emotionless.....bland inside. To think and to feel would just upset me more and make me feel even more alone.

This year is starting off rough again. My deceased boyfriend's 86 yr old mother may have cancer. She goes in for more diagnostic testing tomorrow. I hope this won't turn into another bad scene.

I am very lonely and miss my boyfriend so much. In addition, I feel like I have taken up where he left off when it comes to his parents, because he was their only child and I have not moved away yet. I love them and they are very good to me, especially in regards to allowing me to stay in their in-law apartment that my boyfriend and I shared. It is a tough job sometimes, but I love my boyfriend with my entire heart and I am sure he is happy knowing that his parents have me to lean on. He always did everything he could for them.

There is very caring extended family of his within reasonable distance, but I often feel like I am alone holding down the fort here. Even with his parents right next door, I feel alone "period".

Bottom line, I wish my boyfriend was with me right now. I could really use one of his hugs.
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Debbie Grejdus
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#804259 - 02/03/13 10:37 PM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4436
Christine....sorry I am taking space up in your forum to talk about my issues. I hope you are doing ok and finding some peace in your days.
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Debbie Grejdus
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#804472 - 02/04/13 11:11 PM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Christine - Child Loss]
Lisa - Moms Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 1545
Loc: Arizona
Debbie - that is a difficult spot to be in - continuing to care for your boyfriend's parents while you are grieving his loss - both with them and apart from them.


I'm sorry he is not there to give you the hug you need. I hope that the extended family will step up to the plate and provide you with some relief and some space for your Self.

I ponder loss frequently; I get upset knowing that someones life has changed today because they have lost a loved one. It strikes me deep.

I'm sorry there are no (adequate) words.
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Lisa Pinkus

Moms Site

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#805278 - 02/08/13 04:55 PM Re: A Bereaved Parent at Christmastime [Re: Lisa - Moms]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4436
Lisa...thank you. Indeed there are no adequate words, but the words you express do help and comfort. I appreciate your kindness.

I am indeed in a difficult spot, and often I feel strange to even be here living "his" life, so to speak. His town, his home, his car, his clothes, etc. All things that I am a part of now, without him here. His parents worry about me and my safety all the time, kind of how they worried about my boyfriend. He was always their sick child, pretty much since birth. Me being here helps his parents to divert and exercise that same concern they once had for their son, otherwise there would be a bigger void in their life and much more suffering.

Them allowing me to stay here has helped me to grieve alone and with privacy in the comfort of familiar surroundings. I cannot afford to live on my own right now so I would have had to move across the country to live with my mother. I could not have handled such a big undertaking a year ago. I was totally gutted out inside, and I needed this time to get through my pain in my own way. For now this living arrangement has helped to cushion the blow for all of us.

Yes, it is a tough spot to be in, and often it seems a bit weird to me that I am in this situation today, but in many ways I am very blessed that my boyfriend's parents love me so much.
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