Lisa...thank you. Indeed there are no adequate words, but the words you express do help and comfort. I appreciate your kindness.
I am indeed in a difficult spot, and often I feel strange to even be here living "his" life, so to speak. His town, his home, his car, his clothes, etc. All things that I am a part of now, without him here. His parents worry about me and my safety all the time, kind of how they worried about my boyfriend. He was always their sick child, pretty much since birth. Me being here helps his parents to divert and exercise that same concern they once had for their son, otherwise there would be a bigger void in their life and much more suffering.
Them allowing me to stay here has helped me to grieve alone and with privacy in the comfort of familiar surroundings. I cannot afford to live on my own right now so I would have had to move across the country to live with my mother. I could not have handled such a big undertaking a year ago. I was totally gutted out inside, and I needed this time to get through my pain in my own way. For now this living arrangement has helped to cushion the blow for all of us.
Yes, it is a tough spot to be in, and often it seems a bit weird to me that I am in this situation today, but in many ways I am very blessed that my boyfriend's parents love me so much.
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