My name is Burt and I'm 51 years old.
Connie and I got together when I was 39.
I was always deathly afraid of getting anyone pregnant.
I avoided it at all costs by seeking out women who mostly already had
children as in the case with Connie my permanent relationship.
Your feelings are perfectly natural and normal contrary to popular
Connie has had two abortions during her previous marriage and the guilt
is a terrible thing.
Being confused about whether or not to bring a child into the world
does not make you an irresponsible adult.
It makes you human.
Welcome to the club.
Depending upon your spiritual beliefs or none it really doesn't matter
which can add or remove to the guilt and or add or remove tools to help
you make your final decision.
Society is very warped.
All it collective seems to do is scream: sex, sex, sex, money, money,
money, power, power, power, babies, babies, babies, fear, fear, fear,
guilt, guilt, guilt
On top of its lungs 24 hours a day.
If you even try to base any of your decisions upon 'this society', it
will inevitably lead to pain and suffering.
I was raised Catholic, so the fear and the guilt were real big.
In fact, I feel very guilty each and every day for not having children
of my own !!!
How that for a twist ???!!!!
I have wonderful and very respectful step-children and
step-grandchildren and we really do love and respect each other.
Connie was in a 25 year loveless marriage and all the religious
traditions she grew up in Pentecostal, Baptist, Holiness, apostolic --
all derivatives of protestant would have hung her from the nearest
tree if she left the marriage.
Not only do you have the warped and sick society trying to influence
you, you also have the undercurrent of religious or atheist influences.
And, you're supposed to make a proper decision which will affect
several lives mainly of your husband and yourself and all of those
around you -- your family, your friends -- those you work with and
everyone you interact with -- whether or not you decide to have a baby.
It is extremely normal that you are confused.
Now, I don't want to be ugly or stupid, but you did say that you and
your husband were trying to conceive.
So you conceived.
Connie and I had to break out of our straight-jacket religious
upbringing, so we had to fight with ourselves and our families, because
we did not want to throw God completely out of the picture, but we
wanted a more honest, clear, mystical and direct approach to God
without all the religious baggage attached.
For this, we both suffered greatly.
We read, researched, groveled, cried out to the universe and we jailed,
rejected by those we loved and put down and screamed at for many, many
But, we did come up with some answers.
There is all kinds of boogie-woogie, hocus-pocus, dangerous, false and
even murderous ugly spiritual stuff out there.
But, we got some answers.
First of all, the universe, life, god, him, her, it is not stupid.
They, him, her it -- know you situation.
So, if you are a complete atheist or an agnostic or one of any number
of names and labels out there -- none of that matters.
Cry out to life itself in your own personal way and ask for direct help
in making this specific decision.
Now, remember I was raised Catholic, and I don't know if you know this,
but a lot of the old Catholic tradition DEMANDED babies, babies,
So, secular society found out that works, so they started crying
babies, babies, babies.
Yet, you know what a tremendous lifetime responsiblity a child is.
It goes for a lifetime.
Forget up to the age of 18.
With the way money works now, it goes on, and on, and on.
So, it's entirely up to you what your decision will be.
Your husband is already supporting you whatever you decide.
But, you will have to decide.
Now, back to some of the answers Connie and I got through suffering a
great deal -- I don't know why we had to suffer but we just did.
Now, if Connie's and my suffering can help you here and now, the it
will help us because in some small measure we have helped you.
Go somewhere quiet, where you will be undisturbed for a long period of
In your home, out in the woods, while you are walking, anywhere.
You can start doing this daily.
Even if you are a complete and total atheist, this works.
Cry out to a ' higher power ' and ask your questions.
Any kind of higher power -- Her, Him, It or just ' the universe ' it
Ask very specific questions.
The more specific, the better.
Ask Out Loud with your voice.
You have to do this when you are somewhere really alone, so they don't
cart you off and lock you up.
It really, really, really works better if you can ask out loud.
When you cannot, then ask in your mind.
But, mix the times when you can ask out loud and ask in quiet in your
Try to make it a daily practice.
Then, you will have to make time to listen.
Listen and watch nature, people, persons, events, circumstances and
All of your answers are really, really inside of you.
That may sound counterintuitive or silly, or stupid or ' new-agey ',
but it really does work and since it seems your back is up against the
wall -- what the hell, you might as well try it !!
Connie and I took the thought, the person, the personhood and the idea
that this dude named Jesus Christ really, actually and in fact rose
from being dead and physically, literally, actually took his physical
body back up and really did not die, and never will die.
But, we fought tooth and nail to get away from the shackles of all of
the BS we were being told about him.
And, we wanted a closer, more intimate walk and talk with him directly.
Not through some book, building, another person or an organization.
What many folks do not know is that Jesus is the name of a man who
became The Christ which is a spiritual office that has always been
before even you or I or even the earth and the universe was created.
The Christ is now, and always been.
Jesus the man became the physical Christ.
Yes, we went through all that ' born again ' stuff.
But, it really scared the hell out of us, because it was direct and
very mystical and weird to be honest with you.
What many folks don't know and will hate and even knock you out or
try to kill you for or at least beat the f out of you is that this cat,
dude, human being named Jesus Christ openly taught that reincarnation
from human being to human being as a fact and a law.
Oh, that pisses a lot of people off !!!
So, what is true is only true if it rings true within your very heart.
But, in such a noisy world, it's very hard to listen to your heart of
It takes practice and skill.
So, if reincarnation from human being to human being is a fact, then
that throws a whole new kettle of fish on your decision.
It means that your parents knew you and worked with you in times past.
It means that you knew you husband before and have worked with him in
It means that what ever is in your belly knows you and your husband
from times past.
One thing for sure is that whatever is in your belly knows now, today
whether or not it is wanted or needed.
My mother was mucked up for life because her dad did not want her.
It can sense sounds, emotions, your tone of voice and your husband's
tone of voice.
If you really don't want the child then put it up for adoption.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I know that Jesus Christ was God in the flesh and is now God in the
I know that I never wanted children of my own because I'm so GD
selfish, lazy, spoiled and not maybe, but totally irresponsible.
Connie and I know that reincarnation is a fact.
And, I want you to read this pamphlet before you make your decision.
This is what I can add to this conversation and your decision-making
May sound pretty heavy-handed, but I'm male, and sometimes I can't help
Whatever decision you make, please understand that Connie and I wish
you and your husband guilt-free and fear-free Love, Joy, Peace and
Beauty whatever you do, even if you decide to go forward with the
Burt & Connie
P.S. We live in ' sin ' because we are not married - stuff happens.
P.S.S. Forgive me for the spacing on the lines. I gotta hit the road and get my grand-babies !!