Is Mental Health a fragile thing? Just when I think I'm getting better and stronger, things come along that take me right back to suicidal thinking, cutting and facing the slippery dark hole of depression. What does it take to get well? How much therapy? How many medications. Will this be a lifelong affliction? My daughter let me know she is having a late-term abortion this coming week. While I believe that is her choice, I also feel my grandchild, who I have been looking forward to having is being murdered in a very painful way. I also know this is not about me, but affects me deeply. I saw my shrink today and slept the rest of the day, tying to numb out until my mind can cope. I want to be strong for my daughter, but I'm just a person who crumbles. Some times I hate my illness and myself.

Hi Ruby,
I am so sorry you are feeling this way and struggling...
The idea of mental health being fragile...it does depend on many factors. It is also very individual. Some people have one issue, while others have many. And some issues are less painful, while other issues can be deeper and require more work and more time...
If you don't mind me asking, you mentioned you saw your "shrink"...is this for medication management or for once a week talk therapy?

I see my shrink-psychiatrist- twice a week for therapy. He also prescribes and monitors my meds.

Ruby,

Sometimes it can take years of hard work to heal. If you have been working with your therapist for awhile, but do see you have made progress - this should be celebrated.

We are usually our own worst enemies. We sometimes see the negative only. There will be days like you are having now...it is part of what makes us human. And there will always be some trigger that affects us more profoundly than others.

Having the support, as well as trying to engage your inner strengths, will get you through. You are stronger than you believe.

Dr. Ilyssa, Yes, I have made significant progress with therapy and meds. This is a particularly dark day and the next two weeks look tough as well. My therapist is really good and has taken me from a person who considers suicide daily and cuts as needed under stress to someone who, mostly, is able to have a better tolerance when things go terribly wrong. It takes so many years to recover from abusive, whacked out childhoods, disfunctional marriages, and I'm wondering if we ever really recover fully. For the most part, my life is soooo much better and my new marriage is to a kind, loving, mature person. Every so often I get caught offguard and the old symptoms scare the bejesus out of me. I never want to end up in the psyche ward again, I never want to be clawing my way up the depression hole again, I don't want to lose my hard-fought for gains. So this day scares me. To hold on to a mind you can never really trust after you have lost it even once. Let alone a few times.

Now I'm just thinking of a way to get through this day by using distractions. I've accepted the situation, which is the first part of my Yoda (therapist) training. Now, on to distractions as I cannot make my mind be quiet at this time. Today is my day off from work, the house is clean, my friends and loved ones are all working, so maybe I could take myself to see a comedy at the movies. Sometimes, on bad days like this I go over and sit in my therapist's waiting room, just to be sure I wouldn't "self-harm" as he puts it. Maybe I'll take my laptop and earbuds over to Huckleberry's, the natural food store/deli/coffee place in town and watch 2012 funniest mantages of Youtube and be around people. Anything to get out of this house and out of my brain. That would also help me with the next step of self-soothing. Tomorrow is Saturday, with all kinds of possibilities. Anyone who has ideas about coping, I would LOVE to hear from you. Thank you Dr. Ilyssa for helping me to pull myself together this morning. Thank you BellaOnline for being here. Thank you coffee pot for such delicious coffee. Thank you cats for coming over to see what is the matter with me and bringing your pet therapy.