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#799977 - 01/10/13 08:57 AM January 2013- every day
StellaGreen Offline

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 2
Hello everyone! I am sad, I must admit. My life it feel slike is slipping through my fingers, and I am worried about myself. I am especially worried about my monetary status, as I currently only have a part-time job. I also have huge aspirations of becoming a novelist, and yet that isn't being done. I am sad also because I am feeling needy and wish to reach out to people, but I realize that this isn't healthy for me to do. This isn't healthy for me, personally, because the need to be "taken care of" is extremely strong. As the youngest, the baby of the family, I am used to people just taking over and doing things for me. Sometimes when something needed to get done, I was literally pushed out of the way while someone else in my family did it for me. Now that I am on my own and able to be independent as I have always wanted, I suffer from a severe laziness that goes even as far as daily hygeine tasks. If you are judging me or wish to call me names, it isn't anything I haven't told myself. I am squandering my days, wasting time until I go out and waste my time with friends. I spend too much money and have no savings, and have big dreams for the future without a concrete plan to make my dreams come true. I have to light a fire underneath me and get myself in line. One of the easiest excuses I have is being embarrassed about doing so much whilst the people around me (especially the people I live with) are watching television and lounging. I can't socialize and get things done, it just never works for me. Why? Because I don't want people to think I am uppity. Sometimes I puposefully hang back out of fear that I'll get yelled at. "Who do you think you are?" They might say. I don't know why I do this, it's just a fear of mine. I seek out approval, which is not good. I made a list of goals, and I need to seek out my own approval.

#800223 - 01/11/13 09:43 AM Re: January 2013- every day [Re: StellaGreen]
StellaGreen Offline

Registered: 01/10/13
Posts: 2
Day 2: Am I making progress? Well, let's see. Yesterday I made multiple lists for myself: My yearly goals, monthly goals, goals for this week, and goals for Thursday. I didn't get much done yesterday. I did a teeny load of laundry (clean underwear yay), read a chapter in my book, and did a little sweeping. One thing I did do is, I went to a poetry reading last night! It was so wonderful. There is nothing better than going to a poetry reading, it really is the most beautiful thing. People gathering together to celebrate words, oh I love it. It inspired me to write so much, but then even as I was inspired to write, I heard this voice inside my head that was like, yeah but you'll never get published. You are not this girl. You are not this boy. You will write and write and all that will happen is you'll be embarrassed. Who is this voice? Where is it coming from? I was NEVER like this. I believe it is coming from my roommate. I need to get out of this house, but I don't know how. I don't have any money. It is difficult because my roommate is my best friend, but she doesn't value writing and it just depresses me. Why do I need constant approval. I don't, but I do need an environment that allows me to write. Am I right that it's her? It might not be. She did give me her writing chair. Maybe I just need to recognize it and be aware. I keep thinking how difficult it is to write in my room, but I can change that. I just need to overcome some things. The first being, I need a reading chair. The second being, I could use a table for tea and of course some plugs. I might even keep the hot water thing in my room. I need to create a sanctuary. A place that does not allow for guilt nor judgement nor sleeping. This way, I am not blaming anyone for my shortcomings. Okay, here is a dilemma I have been struggling with: morning or night? Night has proven to work for me. Morning sounds better. Let's try morning. I think I can do morning with food instead of worrying about working on too little sleep. Also a trap is to go to sleep before I get anything done. I need to PREPARE for the next day in order to have a successful morning. So, that is on my agenda for today: prepare everything for the night so I can get up and successfully enjoy a productive morning. Mornings are also reserved for writing only. If I am to be awake, I am to write. What do I do about the fact that writing is difficult? Prepare for that also. Write in notebook. Transfer. Just get your butt in the chair. Disable your web browser so you can't surf the internet. Just go. You can totally do this!

#800274 - 01/11/13 11:24 PM Re: January 2013- every day [Re: StellaGreen]
JOY (Self Development) Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 02/12/10
Posts: 1017
Loc: England, UK
Hello Stella

From your two messages above I think you would find the following articles quite helpful. First, have you truly considered what ‘true happiness’ actually means to you?

See: True Happiness - 5 Simple Tips

If you’re not really living the life that you want with your own personality being allowed to shine through, have a look at these two articles:

* Self-Worth : How to Increase It

* Social Pressures and How To Deal With Them

And to help you to get going with your writings, this is a really good book:

BLOCKS - Tom Evans - Review

Hope that helps!


Moderator:  JOY (Self Development) 

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