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#797627 - 12/24/12 08:00 AM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 21272
Dear Maria -

I agree completely - compassionate honesty is the foundation of numerous religions and ways of life. The more we can nurture and support each other, and listen to each other, the better our world could be!

Merry Christmas.
Lisa Shea, Low Carb / Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum

#797628 - 12/24/12 08:03 AM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
loongdragon Offline

Registered: 09/21/12
Posts: 2200
Loc: Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
To Lisa,

I am in accord with your post.Being a coach in somthing,means ,experience diplomas
Etc.I checked the Coach Maria.com,site,did not see anything special,than all others that advertise being COACHES.


#797649 - 12/24/12 12:43 PM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Maria Marsala]
Little8ird Offline

Registered: 12/22/12
Posts: 3
Hi Lisa and Maria, I may not have been very clear the first time but I went into another room and threw a chair at the ground, nothing was thrown at or near my partner. It still worried me though and frightened him. Perhaps it doesn't matter much but I ignored Maria's advice because I believe she misunderstood me. I don't think going to another room and throwing something at the ground is really considered 'domestic abuse' anywhere. I could be wrong though. In any case, the website she has posted is a helpful resource and I think it's great to put it up here in a public forum so that other people who might have escalated far beyond where I am currently at can consider getting the sort of help that Maria recommends. I don't hear people talk very much about how women can feel helpless and react in violent ways out of anger. I think it is useful to have a dialog about that up here. No one has posted in response to say that they have ever felt the same way so perhaps it is rare. Anger can build up when communication isn't happening in the way that it should in any relationship and with any gender. I am interested in other people's thoughts though... Best, Little 8ird

#797650 - 12/24/12 01:17 PM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
GtownmaGenealogy Offline
BellaOnline Editor

Registered: 12/31/05
Posts: 1301
Loc: Germantown, TN
I was so angry once at my spouse, right now the reason I can't remember. I took my glasses and just bent them to pieces. Of course, then I had to go buy a new pair but the anger had built up and it was the closest thing to me to destroy.

When the kids were little, I would get so stressed and could feel the anger building at something they did, or just overwhelmed that I would just have to go into a room and lock the door til I had time to calm down. Those moments do not happen often, but when they do, it is scary.

I think when we get overwhelmed or stressed beyond our limit, we tend to act. It is important before that happens to think and plan what we will do when it happens, sort of have a plan. It might be to leave the room, count to ten, call someone or just plain ole scream your head off, but plan something so we don't react violently. It's important to also plan on what we might say. It is usually during these times I might say something to a loved one, that later I will regret. So, I try to remember when I feel that way, to keep quiet. Not always easy.

Even the best of us have those moments, it is what we do when they happen that is important. You know you have this tendency to get stressed and react, so plan now what you will do, or get some help to help you deal with those situations. The fact you are asking in the forum means you are strong and know that a more appropriate actions should have been done, and I am sure you will be just fine after you have had time to ponder and think it thru. Happy Holidays...
Ebook: Getting Started in Genealogy

Tina Sansone
Ebook Manager

#797839 - 12/26/12 09:18 AM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
Maria Marsala Offline

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 61
Loc: USA
Sorry Little bird, I did not get the part that you didn't hit him.

Glad you liked the resource. Please don't ignore the advise to get help that I mentioned as well as others mentioned.

Anger, as an emotion is a human emotion. It's even part of the stages of grief.

Anger, not dealt with can turn into rage or worse.

As far as women getting angry there are organization for men who have dealt with such answer and websites, like the one I sent you that help, too. But far more men who abuse women; at least that what the stats show. It's used as power -- to control others.

There are many good resources for dealing with anger. Dance of Anger is a book and CD. There are even medical reasons (often hormonal) that involve anger. Anger turned inwards can also lead to depression.

There are many resources online. Here are a few
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
Maria Marsala
Coach to Financial Professionals

#798053 - 12/27/12 09:38 AM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 21272
Dear Little 8ird -

Many therapists have posted in these forums over the years regarding this exact issue. Their suggestion, when a person gets to that state, is to do exactly what you did. Go to another room and release your anger there. They often talk about hitting pillows repeatedly or other similar activities. Many talk about the catharsis of going to a gym and using a punching bag for a while. So the advice of leaving the situation and taking out the energy on an inanimate object is quite common and accepted.

Is it better not to get to that state? Absolutely. But for someone *in* that state, that advice is moot. At that point the advice has to be about how to safely release the stress. And then going forward the next steps can be taken.

I thought you were quite clear in your initial post that you deliberately left the room with your partner in it and went elsewhere to release the stress. Which was quite a good thing to do.
Lisa Shea, Low Carb / Video Games Editor
Low Carb Forum

#802123 - 01/22/13 08:10 PM Re: Advice? Anger management problem! [Re: Little8ird]
Omily Offline

Registered: 12/25/12
Posts: 115
I think if it were me, I also will lose control of myself. Nobody can really do not fuss about something. But we need to live happily.

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