Hi, This is my first post here and I think I just need someone to talk to but I am too embarrassed to reach out to my friends or family! I am a professional working woman with a supportive live in partner who doesn't have a traditional job. We have very different cleaning habits and this leads to problems often. We don't yell and we communicate pretty well. Yesterday we had a small gathering at our house and I was frustrated because he didn't help clean, cook or prepare. After the party was over my partner told me I had drank too much. I had been the only one prepping for the gathering, cooking during it and cleaning afterwards and my frustration from the day crashed out. I walked out of the room and threw a chair across another room, breaking it. My partner said he was afraid of my behaviour and slept on the couch. Today we are speaking and I apologised but I feel terrible. I haven't done anything like that in a really long time. My partner is great in almost all situations and I feel like I am losing control of myself somehow. Does anyone else feel like this? What can you do? Thanks,

Sounds like me you were feeling used and frustration set in. Rather a chair get broken then to hit someone, etc. You need to tell your partner either he help or pay someone to come in and help you like a cleaning crew, etc. By the time you did all you did, you were too wiped out to enjoy the party.

Now I am not condoning throwing chairs, but can completely understand why you did it. Just get some help next time or tell your partner he needs to do his share! Good luck!

Tina

Little Bird,
Please go get help. In some states you could be put in jail for domestic violence.
There is more going on for you then just the one habit you mentioned. Please go get theraputic help.

Maria

Thanks Tina, I think I sometimes have trouble asking for help when I need it. Today I was reading a bit about being able to say 'I am angry' at appropriate times as well. I will be replacing the chair and I am hopeful that if we talk about it more I can avoid the situation in the future. I was just really sad about this all day today but I am feeling a little better now. I appreciate your taking the time to say you understand the frustration. All the best, Little 8ird

Your welcome... hope things go better at the next event...

I agree with Tina about hiring someone to help with cleaning. I realize we're all on super-tight budgets but often you can find someone to help and it's only the money for one dinner out. It's worth eating in for that one dinner vs having the stress pull you guys apart.

You both have different expectations and that's fine. So bring in help so neither of you ends up resentful.

Maria -

I'm inclined to believe a poster when they say they had a one-time flare-up. It sounds like you're a therapist? It must be challenging not to be cynical in that profession.

Lisa
As an online editor of Bella, you should know better than to call people names and not look up their background.

But more than that, just because it's the first time --- she could have killed him with that chair. No one in the courts would care that it's the first time.

Domestic violence is domestic violence. The women is best served getting help. Something isn't right and it came out this time, this way. Next time he and she may not be that lucky as to not cause phyical damage. But the emotional damage in now involved in their relationship.


http://www.thehotline.org/ anyone who watches themselves or others call people names, hit, throw, etc. can call this number. If you start feeling yourself getting angry again, call the number. They will help walk you through it.

You can also learn early the signs of abuse. It can start with words and then escalate. OR it doesn't have to be that way. You may learn that you, too, were a victim at one time -- or you don't have to have been a victim to do it to someone else.

No one should have to be on any side of domestic violence. Because today, there is therapy and lots of help help, hot lines, etc.

Please get help.

Dear Marisa -

I'm confused. It may be a regional thing, but in New England the term Therapist is an honorable one. It is a person who tends to work with couples who are having serious difficulties.

Your post seemed to imply that you had experience with these matters.

I don't "research" forum posters - I try not to intrude on their lives more than they themselves wish to share here in the forums.

One of the many important things a trained coach learns, when they attend school, is the boundaries between coaching and therapy. And how being honest is always the most important things we can offer.