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#794877 - 12/01/12 07:47 PM Don't know what's wrong / how to feel
Dove223 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 12/01/12
Posts: 3

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#794880 - 12/01/12 08:26 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Is your husband receiving any type of military counseling? This is essential for soldiers returning from deployment. His behaviors indicate post-traumatic stress disorder, a very common problem among returning soldiers. You need to speak with his commanding officer.

Be insistent. A lot of times the military will try to push the blame on the spouse. You must let them know that his behavior changed drastically after he returned and that he did not behave this way previous to his deployment. Otherwise, the military will make it seem as though this is a domestic situation between spouses.

Also, think about getting counseling for yourself. You have a lot of issues to deal with. If you continue to show you like rough sex, he'll make it rough all the time and someday, he might cross the line with the violence when you really mean no. Don't feel disgusted. Your brain got crossed messages during the violent sexual episode so your sexual impulses are confused. Talking it over with a trained therapist can help.

Good luck.
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#794881 - 12/01/12 08:28 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Dove223 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 12/01/12
Posts: 3
He has been diagnosed with PTSD and TBI, he is in a wounded warrior program and he goes to counseling and is on meds

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#794884 - 12/01/12 08:46 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Well, then he is getting treatment. Now you both have a yet another battle to endure.

Can you attend a support group for spouses whose military mates have PTSD and TBI? If there aren't any, you might ask the military to start one. This is a very widespread problem in the military and families and marriages are being destroyed!

For the time being, search for online support groups and forums. You might want to start a new threat here just for wives with husbands with PTSD. I'm also the marriage editor here. Please visit the marriage forum and post your new thread there! I will write an article about this very problem soon. smile

It is essential for you to receive your own counseling from a qualified professional, too!
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#794888 - 12/01/12 09:27 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Dove223 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 12/01/12
Posts: 3
I am a part of a group like that for military spouses, online. However there aren't many that do experience violence and it's hard to bring up and be candid about. It's also something that those of us who have brought it up, never get any answers, because some military commands will dismiss it entirely, some will send the soldier to a psych ward, some people call the police, and we are told that calling the police is the worst thing to do for someone with PTSD...

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#794893 - 12/01/12 10:19 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Elleise - Clairvoyance Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Zebra

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 3980
Loc: TX
I actually understand this (NOTE: Not condone it, merely understand why they don't want police reports).

The military has there own tiers of intervention. It's an internal dispute basically.

None-the-less, that doesn't mean the abuse is any less real and for the spouse maintaning a domestic front, vs. a spouse that faces combatant issues, there's, in my opinion, plausibly, room for discord when the two worlds of perception collide.

The Domestic individual keeps things running on the home- front and is usually dependant on the other spouse financially. Marrying into the mility can have its limitations.

I like the term "Ombudsman" for whatever reason this word just popped in. I had to look it up, actually, when it did...

Ah, gotta love, ADD.

One of the worst strategies of dealing with these types of abrasions/abuse, depending on how severe the issue, is being made to feel culpable in some manner.


We rely on our military to keep us safe! However, we may not know the extent of what it is they have to deal with in regards of what is being asked of them, mentally , spiritually (right and wrong) and physically.

When they come home, sometimes it can be like having to "Depose" adjusting from one atmospher to a more loving.

That's not a justification for abrasive/agressive/abusive behavior, but more an area of recognition, is needed to correct or help resolve this issue.

I feel strongly, this is an area that will manifest itself 10 fold, dismissing it. Spoken freely, however, offers the opportunity for a marital union, if it so desires to stay in tact smile
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#794932 - 12/02/12 01:01 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Originally Posted By: Dove223
I am a part of a group like that for military spouses, online. However there aren't many that do experience violence and it's hard to bring up and be candid about. It's also something that those of us who have brought it up, never get any answers, because some military commands will dismiss it entirely, some will send the soldier to a psych ward, some people call the police, and we are told that calling the police is the worst thing to do for someone with PTSD...


Dove, I'll bet that others *do* experience violence but don't say so for the reasons you mentioned. Can you obtain counseling just for yourself that is confidential?

You can't just sit there and be a punching bag for someone going through treatment that may or may not take effect.


Edited by Lori-Dreams (12/02/12 05:43 PM)
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and @flutterby03

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#794960 - 12/02/12 07:19 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
I also wanted to add that holding a gun to your head is a serious matter. You could be shot accidentally or intentionally in a fleeting fit of rage. If he goes to a psych ward, that may be precisely where he needs to be to get help.

Psych wards get a bad rap but they are places where psychiatrists provide intensive treatment to help patients regain their mental health. It's not as it was decades ago, a place where people entered and never left.
_________________________
Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
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Twitter: @BellaMarriage

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#795170 - 12/03/12 05:46 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
Lori-Dreams Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Chipmunk

Registered: 07/27/12
Posts: 1963
Oh, and I found an article about this very subject:

Soldiers and Domestic Violence

_________________________
Lori Phillips
Dreams editor

Bellaonline.com Dreams site
The Dream Collective
Dreams: What are you trying to tell yourself?
Twitter: @tweetdreams4u
and @flutterby03

Marriage editor
Bellaonline Marriage site
Twitter: @BellaMarriage

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#795175 - 12/03/12 06:41 PM Re: Don't know what's wrong / how to feel [Re: Dove223]
loongdragon Offline
Koala

Registered: 09/21/12
Posts: 2200
Loc: Mont Tremblant,quebec Can
Dear Lori-dreams,

The other nite on t.v.saw a documentary speaking of the dispair of vets. There was almost no help available.So the vets formed a
group based on 12 steps movements.They would search for vets that could not take it anymore .Like A.A.,N.A they met spoke
and there was a lot of laughs and tears.You should have seen a newcomer,cry in the arms of the guy in charge.6 foot 3 about 300
pounds,everyone in that room was crying. When the newcomer said that he was just a f....up soldier,every body applauded and gave
him his colours.It is a motorcycle group,men,woman,

Maybe in the area where Dove lives there is a group of vets that do not wait for the armed forces ,to help them.

To Dove ,I wish you compassion,hope,and try to live this one moment at the time

loong
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loong


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