I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 6 months now but I have known her for about 2 years (not closely but she was an acquaintance and I sort of knew her as a person). For the past two years BEFORE she was dating me she was dating some one else. He was commonly seen as a nice boy who was very friendly and had a lot of charm. The cliche lady's man. He was handsome and had absolutely no signs of negative behavior. A few months before her and me started dating, her ex had been caught sneaking into her house. He was found in her closet with a knife. He sent several pictures to her containing vandalism in her room. He was charged with three felonies: Stalking, Burglary, and Kidnapping (or an attempt). Though he was charged with all of this, he was let go and charges were dropped. He was expelled from school (he was eighteen at the time and the girl was sixteen). A few weeks after the incident I tried speaking to her. I had felt bad for her and wanted to see how she was handling the whole situation. Eventually I befriended her and we began to explore each other a lot more (I.E. each other's backgrounds and past relationships.) Finally I managed to bring up the whole crime scene that happened at her house a few months back. What she told me left me in disbelief.
She admitted that all of that had happened. But the reasons the charges were dropped were because she was still in love with him and she didn't want to see him get arrested. At this point her and I had started dating. Something was different about her, though. She was very appreciative of EVERY thing that I did. She noticed every small gesture of kindness I sent toward her. She squeaked with joy at every compliment I gave her. She never lets me go. The thing is though that she is VERY quiet in public and speaks to no one. She has PTS. It's been diagnosed. She revealed to me that it was because of her ex boyfriend. He was a liar, cheater, and an abuser. She recounted story after story after story.... about what this boy had done. He's committed severe 2nd degree domestic violence towards her and it INFURIATES me to hear about it. It is hard to have her speak about it because I understand that she does not enjoy talking about it, but I cannot let this man go walk the streets. He is not innocent. He has done nothing right. He has left her scars and and a crippled mind. She had lost all of her friends because he did not allow her to leave her house. She is behind in many life skills because she was sheltered for TWO YEARS. He had taken EVERYTHING from her and made her believe that the only thing she needed was him. When I say abuse... I mean he ****** her up bad. Only evidence she has left is one text. One text. It says "I don't want to hit you anymore." What I want to know is what kind of evidence can I gather to get this man off of the streets. Is that text enough? She has no pictures because he destroyed her laptop and her old phone. This isn't one of those immature girls by the way. She is top 10% in the US for ASVAB and college entrance exams, has one a Laws of Life essay (which was about her relationship but was kept confidential) and is highly insightful. So she is not lying to me. I need help putting this trash away please. Thank you.
He also cut her hand with a knife. (She has a bad scar and also has the knife.) Her hand has weak nerves and cannot function properly.
hi demitris, i wrote a long answer to your question and it never posted. argh! so let me try this again...
a simple answer to your question is no, there really isn't anything you can do now. charges were already brought against him but, because of the control your GF's abuser still had over her at the time, she dropped them. that was her chance to get him off the street (if even momentarily) and it was missed.
but an abuser is often a repeat offender and i promise you this, he will pull this sh*t again on another woman. let's hope the next woman he abuses has someone as supportive as you in her corner when its time to make his charges stick.
as for you and your GF, the best thing you can do now is move on. the more you obsess over the past and the "what ifs" the slower the healing process will be. is she currently in therapy? i'd certainly recommend that she join a DV group and take some empowering self-defense classes. perhaps you can take classes together?
She is top 10% in the US for ASVAB and college entrance exams, has one a Laws of Life essay (which was about her relationship but was kept confidential) and is highly insightful. So she is not lying to me. I need help putting this trash away please. Thank you.
Additional Details He also cut her hand with a knife. (She has a bad scar and also has the knife.) Her hand has weak nerves and cannot function properly.
Just for me, I'm needing to understand why the "10%" in the US, for ASVB is relevant?
Sometimes I come to this site and feel like someway/some how this is all going into a book, some day???