logo

THIS IS THE NEW SERVER - WE ARE STILL TWEAKING IT
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
Ibrahimm, lunna, EvlinSymon, MissXYZ, UltimatePurpose
57693 Registered Users
Forum Stats
57,693 Registered Members
417 Forums
115,106 Topics
818,372 Posts

Most users ever online: 615 @ 04/22/15 10:11 AM
Top Posters (30 Days)
"Rosie" 446
Nancy Roussy 413
Sheryl T 279
Connie - ADD/Sandwiches 150
Mona - Astronomy 135
Jana - Creativity Editor 87
Susan - Meditation Editor 59
Lestie4containergardens 58
Deanna - New Age 55
Korie - California Editor 44
Ad Income Supports Charity
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#793135 - 11/17/12 09:11 AM Re: Your aha moment [Re: GoneThruHell]
helene.women's fashion Offline
Newbie

Registered: 10/21/12
Posts: 20
I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years... I actually wrote an essay about it, which I hope to publish some day.

He had a damaged childhood and insecurity issues that he took out on me. Now that 6 years have passed, I can see why he was doing that to me. He wanted me to feel that I was worthless so that I would always stay with him and not want any better for myself. His behavior stemmed from his insecurities. He didn't think he was good enough and wanted me to feel the same way so that he wouldn't have to be alone.

My aha moment was not the result of a screaming match or a bad fight. It was actually on a pretty happy evening. He had just become a Freemason. He came home, and I had just gotten home myself and we met in the driveway. It was a quiet moment, and somehow, I realized at that very moment that he had come a long way in his career and personal accomplishments. Me, I didn't grow as a person because he didn't allow me to go and experience life. He had jumped light years ahead of me as a person, and I had gone nowhere... just sitting in the shadows, following all his "rules". It was that moment when I realized that we didn't need each other. He could find his own happiness.

I think I always stayed because I felt guilty. He didn't have anyone else, and when we tried to break up numerous times in the past, he would just cry and say he was really sorry, and that he needed me. I left when I realized, even before he did, that he didn't need me to be happy... that path was up to him. And I realized that for myself too.

To anyone in this situation: You need to know that it's not your fault. After years of being beaten down emotionally, it feels scary to be on your own. His behavior made you that way, made you dependent on his abuse because that has become "normal" through the years. And staying with someone out of guilt or fear is no way to live. I wish I could get those 7 unhappy years back but I can't. Get out as soon as possible. Tell yourself that you're worth it and that you deserve to be happy every single day. Hopefully, you'll find the courage to walk out of the situation.
_________________________
Helene
Women's Fashion Editor

Top
#794165 - 11/25/12 10:03 PM Re: Your aha moment [Re: GoneThruHell]
AKLisa- Knitting Editor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Gecko

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 735
Loc: Fairbanks, Alaska
to beautifultragedy. you are never responsible for another persons behavior. Even if you behave poorly, others can respond with dignity and respect. Feeling like you control or have some effect or responsibility for others behavior is an illusion. It is a dangerous one in that it leads you to feel responsible for all kinds of things you are not, especially abuse.
_________________________
Lisa Linnell-Olsen
Knitting Website
Knitting Forum

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2

Moderator:  Pamela Wray - DV Editor 

Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Brand New Posts
Days (Abigail)
by Sheryl T
Daytime TV
1 second ago
Thrift Store Books
by Sheryl T
Children's Books
5 minutes 5 seconds ago
What is your stress level today?
by Sheryl T
Stress Management
7 minutes 36 seconds ago
Making a New Grape Variety
by Peter - Wine
Wine
Today at 03:42 AM
Daily World Peace Group Meditation
by Susan - Meditation Editor
Meditation
Today at 02:17 AM
About Eternity
by Lynne - ChristianLiving
Christian Living
Today at 02:06 AM
I will be in Dublin and Cork in August....
by Lynne - ChristianLiving
Irish Culture
Today at 02:03 AM
Do you have a fat face?
by Lynne - ChristianLiving
Hair
Today at 01:57 AM
12th of July in Northern Ireland
by Bee - IrishCulture
Irish Culture
Today at 01:35 AM
4th of July and the the Sky
by Mona - Astronomy
Astronomy
Today at 01:06 AM
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Who's Online
2 registered (Izeigo, Sheryl T), 66 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Ad Income Supports Charity



| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2015 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.