You guys are the only ones who seem to get this!! Everyone else who is a mother really seems to be on the whole defensive side!!
We bring up a specific point- I was disrespected by the racist comment and furthermore from SIL laughing right afterwards and now SIL keeps side-stepping and going back to attacking us.
DH wrote her again actually saying that his intention was not to judge her parenting, only to express to her that he was upset about the situation: comments made, her reaction which came off derogatory and disrespectful and actually said he was sorry he came off wrong.
she emails back yes, she went off quite harsh because her daughter is having some trouble right now (once again, because she is a mother is she supposed to be allowed to get all crazy and blame that on the stress from having kids) but she does feel we both constantly judge her and her husband and she feel they must walk on eggshells around us. and then writes at the bottom
FYI I did talk to her on the drive home that night and she felt bad.
And then has the audacity to say if I am so offended I can call the kid on it? what??!!! that is not my job!! Is she telling me she feels we judge her and now I am supposed to do her job and reprimand her kid?? What is wrong with this mother???
yep that is it. no apology whatsoever, no responsibility taken at all.
then she emails and invites my husband to talk to her on phone. That outta be a great conversation. We don't know how to get out of this mess.
He is going to call tomorrow because this emailing is getting stupid and if he doesn't- he will look like the bad guy because she was at least trying and he avoided communicating ya know??
I just need something resolved soon so we can tell his mother if we will even go there for Thanksgiving now.
This is so awful. If this woman does not apologize I will never feel comfortable around her and I sure don't want to go to her house for a holiday when I am obviously not respected enough.
She just keeps throwing this stuff back at us instead of focusing on my feelings. I am so beyond angry.
If she wasn't family I would not even think twice. But, whatever happens with this tomorrow will set the future as far as if we will be comfortable enough in family gatherings. I don't want to break up his family, but I cannot pretend this didn't happen and go into a house where I am so disrespected. I feel sick about this.
The truly sickening thing is that I really believe this is a conflict of her being seethingly jealous of me for not being a mother. I really believe this. She got married later and seemed to feel pressure to have kids. We never talked about it and when she realized we weren't having kids- ever- well I got this feeling she was shocked like, wow- why didn't I know that was an option?? DH and I have been able to pick up and move to quite a few fun small resort towns out west which def. made her envious and we have so much more freedom to do fun things. Why should I feel guilty about any of that? There is no judging of her other than stepping in when her kids were little - if they were obnoxious my husband would tell them to settle down.(quite respectfully I must add) She never once mentioned having a problem with that so truly what is this about? Hopefully we will find out tomorrow!