logo

Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
Nancy Smith, iwvfztv92, Ballrealty, khajiitjess, Anthony Roman
56548 Registered Users
Forum Stats
56548 Members
417 Forums
111392 Topics
785792 Posts

Max Online: 537 @ 07/02/12 11:21 AM
Top Posters (30 Days)
Beetlemess 284
Nancy Roussy 167
loongdragon 162
Rosie 66 143
Connie - ADD/Sandwiches 139
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames 97
James Andrew 94
Lestie4containergardens 59
Allyson - USACook/HomeCook 54
Lisa - Buddhism 48
Ad Income Supports Charity
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#793135 - 11/17/12 05:11 PM Re: Your aha moment [Re: GoneThruHell]
helene.women's fashion Offline
Newbie

Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 20
I was in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years... I actually wrote an essay about it, which I hope to publish some day.

He had a damaged childhood and insecurity issues that he took out on me. Now that 6 years have passed, I can see why he was doing that to me. He wanted me to feel that I was worthless so that I would always stay with him and not want any better for myself. His behavior stemmed from his insecurities. He didn't think he was good enough and wanted me to feel the same way so that he wouldn't have to be alone.

My aha moment was not the result of a screaming match or a bad fight. It was actually on a pretty happy evening. He had just become a Freemason. He came home, and I had just gotten home myself and we met in the driveway. It was a quiet moment, and somehow, I realized at that very moment that he had come a long way in his career and personal accomplishments. Me, I didn't grow as a person because he didn't allow me to go and experience life. He had jumped light years ahead of me as a person, and I had gone nowhere... just sitting in the shadows, following all his "rules". It was that moment when I realized that we didn't need each other. He could find his own happiness.

I think I always stayed because I felt guilty. He didn't have anyone else, and when we tried to break up numerous times in the past, he would just cry and say he was really sorry, and that he needed me. I left when I realized, even before he did, that he didn't need me to be happy... that path was up to him. And I realized that for myself too.

To anyone in this situation: You need to know that it's not your fault. After years of being beaten down emotionally, it feels scary to be on your own. His behavior made you that way, made you dependent on his abuse because that has become "normal" through the years. And staying with someone out of guilt or fear is no way to live. I wish I could get those 7 unhappy years back but I can't. Get out as soon as possible. Tell yourself that you're worth it and that you deserve to be happy every single day. Hopefully, you'll find the courage to walk out of the situation.
_________________________
Helene
Women's Fashion Editor

Top

Add Re: Your aha moment to Twitter Add Re: Your aha moment to Facebook Add Re: Your aha moment to MySpace Add Re: Your aha moment to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Your aha moment Add Re: Your aha moment to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Your aha moment to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Your aha moment to Stumbleupon Add Re: Your aha moment to Reddit
#794165 - 11/26/12 06:03 AM Re: Your aha moment [Re: GoneThruHell]
AKLisa- Knitting Editor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Gecko

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 692
Loc: Fairbanks, Alaska
to beautifultragedy. you are never responsible for another persons behavior. Even if you behave poorly, others can respond with dignity and respect. Feeling like you control or have some effect or responsibility for others behavior is an illusion. It is a dangerous one in that it leads you to feel responsible for all kinds of things you are not, especially abuse.
_________________________
Lisa Linnell-Olsen
Knitting Website
Knitting Forum

Top

Add Re: Your aha moment to Twitter Add Re: Your aha moment to Facebook Add Re: Your aha moment to MySpace Add Re: Your aha moment to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Your aha moment Add Re: Your aha moment to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Your aha moment to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Your aha moment to Stumbleupon Add Re: Your aha moment to Reddit
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2



Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Brand New Posts
2014 Eating Log
by Nancy Roussy
Low Carb
10 seconds ago
What did you dream about last night?
by Nancy Roussy
Dreams
3 minutes 32 seconds ago
Which sports watch brand you like the most ?
by Alyssa lemuda
Beauty Basics
21 minutes 13 seconds ago
Suggestion for fashion jewelry?
by Alyssa lemuda
Beauty Basics
26 minutes 30 seconds ago
Cocktail Colorful Crystal Ring
by Nancy Smith
Fashion Jewelry
Today at 01:45 AM
Sandwich du jour
by Connie - ADD/Sandwiches
Sandwiches
Today at 12:57 AM
What is a Flashback?
by Val_at_FictionWriting
Fiction Writing
Today at 12:12 AM
The Goddess
by ancientflaxman
Spirituality
Yesterday at 09:07 PM
Mindfulness and Meditation in Plain English
by Lisa - Buddhism
Buddhism
Yesterday at 07:55 PM
Father Hell - Astronomer
by Mona - Astronomy
Astronomy
Yesterday at 07:54 PM
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Who's Online
2 registered (Nancy Roussy, Izeigo), 60 Guests and 21 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Ad Income Supports Charity



| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2014 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.