Loved the article and congratulations on your book!!
I love the cover too!
It's crossed my mind, the question, why women marry jerks, more than a couple of times and I really do think it comes down a few things...not wanting to be alone, believing you CAN
fix whatever ails them, it feels good to be pursued/wanted, obtaining the unobtainable, etc.
You're right though, the desire to change has to come from within them, not just you.
And when it really seems to stick, is when you either move on to something that empowers you as much if even more than them or sometimes just spending a bit of time apart. Just enough to miss something you had, that might have been taken for granted when you had it.