Dear LoongDragon -

Exactly.

That is exactly what I was talking about earlier.

It's apparently *not* just those traits you seek. It's those traits *plus* something else.

Let's say you found a woman with those traits. She was honest, loyal, and spiritual. How would you then go about deciding if you could or could not love her? What other traits would be involved? You yourself are saying that a woman with those three traits wouldn't necessarily be worthy of love.

Our heart only pumps blood. It doesn't think. So it is your brain that is involved in these thought processes. Your brain sees something in that person and is drawn to it. What are you drawn to, that you have to have in addition to honesty, loyalty, and spirituality? Or are you saying that there are other traits that would make you stand apart?

Lisa, why are you harassing Loong?

To Jilly,
Please do not go there
xoxo
loong

I withdraw the question but my uncomfortable feeling remains.

To lisa,
I had just written a beautiful post and some thing came in my E-mail and made the post disapear.So I will start over.

When you met your partner 16 years ago there had to be a little something.Well same for me.That little extra ,you might find this funny ,I call it :making my toes curl.
Humbly,I am still a good looking man ,and often solicitated
by woman of all ages.Remember,I used to be a ladie's man.

My last relationship,she was 15 years younger than I was.For the first 6 months we lived a blisful life,then she was hit by a terrible disorder of the Thyroid gland,jealousy,everthing was my fault,pure hell.We were in business together,she offered to buy my shares.So I sold the business to her.She gave me part of the money.Then one day she phones and tell me she is going bankrupt,including all the money she owed me.She had $50,000
stashed away,I learned later.
I was not mad at her,I had compassion for her.Within 3 months she had lost everything.

My heart still hopes.

With respect
loongdragon

Dear LoongDragon -

Now we delve into the interesting aspect of choosing a mate.

It is clearly not "extra" if it is critical to your mate selection process. That is fine. It is wise for us to know what is important in choosing a mate. Only by knowing what we aim for can we reach our goal. Only once we are fully aware about what appeals to us in a partner can we then find that partner.

You enjoyed a partner who was 16 years younger, you are fond of your role as a "lady's man", and these are important things to you. That is fine! That is normal! That is part of your criteria. That certainly narrows down the available pool of partners.

I don't find it "funny" - I find it natural and normal. Numerous studies show that some men and women are drawn to specific physical traits in a partner, and that selection can also depend on fertility cycles. Colors and aromas can have impacts on our selection that we don't consciously realize.

In terms of my current partner, he was 300 pounds. He has been morbidly obese for nearly all of his adult life. He is a few years older than me. I have dated over 50 men in life, and they are all shapes and sizes and colors and ages. So in my case, it is not about youth or physical shape or race or creed. My personal selection criteria is more about the mental attributes. Those mental attributes are fairly constant across the men I have dated. I have dated old men, heavy men, men with physical challenges. That part didn't matter to me. I focus primarily on mental qualities.

That's the beauty of statistics. The more you document and evaluate, the more you can see the patterns of what works long term. You can see what specific criteria you tend to be drawn to, and account for that. Then you map out how to find those same criteria in your area, going forward.

It's only by knowing our priorities, and acknowledging them, that we can then ensure we are in situations that give us the best chance of success.

To Jilly,

Dearest friend,Do not hurt yourself for me.It is between Lisa and I.

You should put back your picture,you were so cute.You looked like a Navaho Indian.Becoming a skeleton will come soon enough.

Your friend
loong

I am very sad tonite. I have a huge stressor starting midnite tonite that deals with sexual harassment. I am freaking out and i think i should call the Crisis Hotline.

Dear Jilly,
excuse me to not knowing how to help you,not understanding what you post means!

Your friend
loong
call the crisis center,if you beleive they can help you.

I've been doing so well recently but with someone on his way up from the airport right now I am scared and uncomfortable and can't stop crying.

Thank you for being a support to me. Things have been hard.