We were talking in another thread about having a first-responder local friend. This friend would be a woman I could depend on to assist in an emergency.
This is a topic I take fairly seriously, because I feel it is so important. In my life, I always find it important to invest time, energy, and emotion into building a local strong friendship with someone who has few responsibilities. A mom with seven kids would not be an ideal choice for this
. She has enough on her plate.
I ensure I am there for her, and she is there for me.
Here is an example.
I went to St. Louis when I was about 26 to be with a man. I left my son with my ex for the year. This was a *very* hard sacrifice for me to make, but I felt it was critical in order to forge the foundation with my love of my life, who had to be in St. Louis for that year. I figured once that foundation was laid then we could make better long term plans which would involve living in Massachusetts again.
By pure chance, about six months into the stay, I discovered this man was sleeping with an old college friend and was planning, after the year was up, to move off to Vancouver to live with her. So I was going to "waste" the next six months of my life keeping house for him with him planning to abandon me the entire time. And I'd be away from my son for that entire time too, for no reason.
I was beyond devastated.
My parents didn't come out. I didn't expect them to. They have a web of responsibilities that they are enmeshed in. We all live lives in different ways - some with a mesh of responsibilities, some with few if any. My parents are in the mesh of responsibilities category and that is an integral part of their nature. It is their "feature". So what they bring to the table is not "come be present at an emergency". I am fine with that.
My friends from back home didn't come out, for the same reason. They have enmeshed responsibilities. It would have been irresponsible for them to abandon their other responsibilities. Again I am fine with that. They are still awesome friends.
I did have a solid new friend I had built a relationship with in St. Louis who was single and a low-responsibility person. A key reason we were strong friends was that we could both be there for each other. Yes, I had other friends in St. Louis but they had families or other time commitments. This specific friend was my "emergency contact". She was unique.
She was absolutely there for me. When I called her with the news, she immediately had me come over and stay with her. In the subsequent days she spent time with me and took me out. She was close, she was free, and she was there for me, because I had been there for her too. That was our "purpose" in our relationship, to be there for each other.
One cannot choose family members, so to me they aren't part of any equation. One *can* choose friends, and each friend has his or her own traits. Some of my friends are cheerleaders. Some are advice givers. Some are listeners. Some are brainstormers. And yes, one is the be-there-at-all-costs one. To me that last category is almost by definition a unique one. Nearly all people have other people they are taking care of, and I appreciate that. I strive to have *one* person who is free from responsibility and who is close. I treasure that person. I know they will be there for me, if disaster hits. And they know I will be there for them.
So for me, it's not something that just happens, and it's not something I expect from anybody else in my circle of friends or relatives. It's a quite specific trait that only a very unique specific person can fulfill. I work on finding and maintaining that specific relationship. I know how important it is to what I want in life, and I invest the energy to make it happen.
As a counter-example, my friend Leslie from high school is the best friend I could ever hope for. She and I have been loyal to each other for decades. And she has a husband and four kids. I absolutely know that family is her priority, and I treasure her for that love. So I would not put her in a position of having to choose. I let her know I am safe and taken care of. She provides a different kind of support.
This is my personal view on having a local, emergency contact person. I'm sure others have other views, and that is fine!