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#789428 - 10/24/12 07:09 PM What would you do? Midlife Crisis
Lori - Marriage Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Koala

Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 2686
Loc: Orange, CA USA
Fear of getting old triggered a midlife crisis. A new motorcycle was one thing, but a new girlfriend? What do you think? What would you do?

Midlife Crisis and Marriage


Edited by Lori - Marriage (10/27/12 02:27 AM)
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#789429 - 10/24/12 07:10 PM Re: Midlife Crisis and Marriage [Re: Lori - Marriage]
Lori - Marriage Offline
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Koala

Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 2686
Loc: Orange, CA USA
Also, did you or have you ever re-thought your marriage? Why? Do you feel you've grown apart?

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#789897 - 10/28/12 03:19 PM Re: Midlife Crisis and Marriage [Re: Lori - Marriage]
Elleise - Clairvoyance Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Zebra

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 3944
Loc: IL
Ouch...ouch and double-ouch!

I "feel" for this situation. I have 2 clients (given permission) to speak generally, going through similar circumstances.

The son, who recently moved away, in Cheryl's situation, could have been a barrier, that kept things connected on some level.

The "youthful" spending, hair and clothes...that's almost a strike 2 and facebook, probable meetings, etc. (in my book) would be strike 3. But that's just me.

What to do?

Emotionally, as far as confrontationally, I would strongly suggest nothing but for the fact, you're noticing changes. Don't go poking around. Instead, outsmart the situation.

Reason being: defenses, defending of actions, even more fighting and triggering justification for doing things out of anger and covering actions up, comes into play. If it's all out in the public right now...the bulb hasn't quite gone off yet wink

Secondly, nothing is LESS attractive to a man, pulling away, than a desperate woman clinging to their pant leg (figuratively speaking). Even if you're the most independant woman in the world, "pining" isn't attractive, when a person is going in another direction.

What I WOULD do, is begin protecting some of your assets. Open up an account somewhere that's all yours, even stowing certain things away here and there.

I'd also start breaking up the normal "routine" around the house, myself, by not always being where I'm expected, hours of the day, making dinners all of the time, etc.

I'd use the opportunity to explore myself and see as well, is THIS all there is and ALL I WANT TO BE?

I may be perfectly content with who I am, but when the grounds shift, moving with them instead of against, keeps you on your feet!

And if HE begins noticing your absence, a new look, clothes, hair style, what have you, simply tell him he's been of inspiration to you. You'll look great and feel better just for having tried something new smile





Edited by Elleise - Clairvoyance (10/28/12 03:36 PM)
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#792515 - 11/13/12 11:40 AM Re: Midlife Crisis and Marriage [Re: Elleise - Clairvoyance]
Debbie-SpiritualityEditor Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Elephant

Registered: 01/08/10
Posts: 4482
Great ideas, Elleise.

My husband went through a mid-life crisis, complete with emotional breakdown. He cheated, decided to stay with the new woman, and divorced me. I don't think he got exactly what he wanted out of the deal but he remarried quickly and forgot about me in the blink of an eye. He threw away a 19 year relationship that was not a terrible one and that could have been saved. I was willing to do the work, but he felt that marriage should not be any work at all. What I could not give him he thought he could get elsewhere, but I know he does not have it yet. Never will.

I never understood before what a mid-life crisis was or what it could do to a marriage. I know now.
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