I totally agree with the "life changes" part. My husband and I were real party-goers when we first met. We used to go out drinking and clubbing together all the time, but as we (and our bodies) age, these party-going urges have diminished, and we now enjoy staying at home with a good movie. I suppose that we're lucky to have "change" towards the same direction. But once in a while, I still have the urge to go out and have fun, and my husband understands that. In the end, it's all about understanding and compromise.
I did have some disappointments in my marriage. I think it is natural to have some as the years go by, challenges come up, and people grow and change. I think more could have been done to alleviate some of those disappointments and to turn things around, but my ex-husband was not interested in working on the marriage so we parted ways. It does take work, but I believe that a lot of issues can be taken care of with love and understanding.
For the most part I enjoyed being married. I miss it a great deal.
Debbie Grejdus Spirituality Site Editor Spirituality Forum Moderator
I am on my third and last marriage lol I married my high school sweetheart the first time. We grew up together and apart quickly. In hind sight, we should have waited for marriage because I don't think it would have happened had we waited and wasted years together in misery. My second marriage turned abusive. Now I finally found my best friend and companion. Our relationship isn't perfect like those around us think it is, we have ups and downs as naturally all intimate relationships do. You have to find a balance, learn when to fight and when to let it go.
My answer to this question is "YES", i am disappointed. I have been trying to work on improving are relationship, but I can't do this by myself. My wife I think is mostly oblivious to how weak and fragile our relationship has become. I think she believes my sole concern in our relationship is about sex. That is a big problem with us, but not the only problem. However, reestablishing a sex life between us would be a big step to repairing our relationship. Over five years is a long time to go without any intimacy more than a rare hug.
I believe marriage is a lifelong struggle to find a novel thing to love each day in your partner. No one can ever claim to be an expert because there will (should) be something new to love (or hate) each day. But Married people need to understand that what makes them different from each other were the things that made them come together in the first place. There are no perfect marriages simply because marriage is a union of two imperfect people trying to understand and accept each other's imperfections. Disappointment in marriage is normal, but too much of it means perhaps you should have passed up on this one....
I have been disappointed with myself and my husband as individuals in the marriage but not by the marriage itself.
In my case marriage turned out to be far better than I thought it could be. To be honest I grew up not liking the idea of marriage at all. In fact I hated the idea and figured any marriage with me in it as the wife was going to be a complete disaster--just like all of the marriages I'd seen growing up.
As it turns out, 19 years later, I've discovered that I'm pretty good at this. Who knew?!?
What I've found is that marriage is a lot of work periodically, but not every day year after year. Having young children was our biggest hurdle and we're over that now.