Where to starttt !!!
Just discovered this website after a sequence of sleepless nights ,im not looking for sympathy or anthing of the sort i just am in need of a place to VENT..
I suppose im hoping in some way this will help the way ive been feeling and if not at least someone will comment..
Long story short..Met my first love at 16yrs old together for two years, regretabily started to have sex,me and nathan always had a volitile relationship. Anyway we and nathan were on a break and i missed my period,went clinic and found out i was 4weeks pregnant.
Called nathan he was shocked concerned but thats all..
Days passed and i did not hear from him bare in mind i had literally spent everywaking day with this boy.
Went for a scan and found out i was ectopic which means when the baby is stuck in a womans fallopian tube and that i was miscarriaging , very dangerous and so i was under the watchful eye of the hospital ,having to report there every Monday.
Days past and nathan was a ghost , i sent messages called him everything and no answer.
At this point i was absolutley heartbroken not only was i goin through a misscarriage but my bf was ignoring me , i had to still go work , in college,parents diddnt know , neither did my friends.
Soul Crushing !!
Throught my misscarriage nathan was not their he diddnt call or phone or anything he practically cut me out of his life when i needed him tho most.
I remember on the last day when i got the all clear he messaged me pouring out his heart about how he was soo scared and he diddnt know what to do ..
Being young and dumb i met him.. It was a joke he was telling me about how scared he was and how he couldnt handle it while i was the one who went through this misscarriage, i was the one who had to tell my family what he had done what i was goin through, having to go to work while my stomach was in knots because i was misscarriaging.He couldnt even look at me.
It broke my heart to see this boy who i was deeply in love with diddnt even care about me or even the baby we lost. I was disgusted to think i was with this monster.Most of all i was hurt because to him our baby was an issue but to me my baby was alive.
I can feel myself tearing up remembereing how i felt back then.Nathan never stopped ringing and Phoning me after then went on for two years him begging for my forgivness but i had non of it.
Until i knew i had to forgive him to let go of the hurt in my heart.. To be honest with u a do forgive him but at the same time i do hate him and im deeply disapointed im him. Im now 21 and not a day goes by when i dont think about the whole situation back then.
Part of me feels like i havent dealt with the situation but what else can i do... My baby and nathan are always in my heart and a it comes up to 20 july( the day i found out i was pregnant) it cushes my inside.
My family do not talk about it , neither do i talk about it with my friends. I think its because its a touchy subject for me that ii hold close to my heart. Maybe they are scared to ask me ... Now im at a point where i feel like its only me in the whole world that remembers i lost a child.. Nathaan dosent care no didhe ever.Sometimes i think did this actualli happen did i actualli go through something that painful.. And yes i did.. All alone.
Im at university now not in a relationship(i think because of that certain situation)Im very happy but recently its been hard.
-I think about nathan and my baby and still wish things would have been different.I wonder if he remembers if he cares,but have come to the conclusion that its only me in this world that cares...
Anyway thats my story ,doesnt go into much detail about the relationship me n nath had but its my story.. Whoever is reading this thank you because now i wont be the only one in this world to care...