BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Are you disappointed with marriage?

You know there's an actual GOOD movie (with Steve Martin) called, "Parenthood." Before it was destroyed...

But anyway...there was a grandmother and w/actual comedy, showed the ups and downs of marriage.

She says something along the lines of, "You know some people like the carousel. But it just goes round and round. But I...I like the rollercoaster."

Then the wife of Steve Martin says someting like, "Your grandmother is a very wise woman."

Then he says, lol..."If she's so wise, why is she sitting in the next-door neightbor's car?"

Thought that would cheer you or anyone up. We all have ups and down. Me personally? I prefer the rollercoaster

This really is a good article...

But - here's the thing.

When it comes to being disappointed, whether you're married or not, I'd say, it goes in phases.

Cycles

But relationships in general? Well, initially, that's what engagement was all about. Getting to REALLY know one another. But what I've found is:

You can never know another completely...because we are constantly re-discovering ourselves.

But if you're committed, and you hang in there (provided it's not dangerous) you can even find out things about yourself, as your partner of choice does as well

Agreed. I was married twice, the first for two years and the second for 16 years. Probably my biggest disappointments for both was that my ex-husbands just threw in the towel after all we had been through together instead of wanting to put in the work to make the marriage last. I never wanted to give up because I knew we could make it work. Needless to say, neither divorce was my idea.

I think it's fair to say, with any relationship, at times the grass can SEEM greener.

Maybe there's someone more attractive, younger, richer, more fun, more whatever.

But in your heart. If you know for certain, you are stronger as a couple together and can realize the strenghts within that bond, Then you have and WILL have if you're ready to find it with a parter that realizes the same, someone that as you get older, as the economy changes, as health changes, etc...a person that will be there, making those challenging times a bit more comforting

For both men I married the grass did seem greener for them on the other side of the fence. In truth, I don't think that is what they actually found when they left me.

Would I try marriage again? Maybe. But I would have to find a very special soul to want to to it again with. I don't take the institution lightly. I always thought I would do it once in my life and that would be it. For me such a commitment is life-long.

though, i've not got marry, but, i feel disappointed with marriage, because, i don't think my mother and father spend a good life together, they quarrel every day and i hate it, i don't know why people need to get marry and why they want to have a baby.

Yes, I agree with Elleise that there are phases in marriage. Some not so great; others beyond amazing.

I'm sorry clairehobby that your parents quarrel every day. People have a biological drive to procreate. It isn't only about the sexual contact. The urge to replicate, to reproduce...it is primal and undeniable. For some. Not so for others.

I know of so so many married people who stay married even though:
*They did not marry for love.
*They are not happy.
*They do not wish to be married.

And it is sad. They stay married for other reasons including religious beliefs, financial pressures, social/family demands, even convenience, laziness and fear of the unknown or being alone.

But that is only one half of the marriage story. There are so many examples of great marriages and great love.

If marriage is "done right" this can be a life-defining, life-changing relationship that can help a person evolve on a spiritual level. I find it all too sad that many people go out into the world, wishing to "make a difference" by spreading love when they cannot manage to love the person they married!

That is not to say that some couples should not divorce. Sometimes, life paths go different directions.

Marriage calls one to do some serious self-work and that is extremely hard. Successful marrieds find that when they focus on what they can do instead of trying to get their spouses to change, the love truly deepens. I have experienced this personally.

My own marriage is not perfect but we're crazy about each other.