This chapter reminds me of the Zen saying �what we see is primarily what we look at.� People reveal themselves, they show you who they are.
The other day my husband and I were watching a Nollywood film called Scent of a Woman where one of the characters, Tony, a spoiled rich son of a mogul was expressing his love for Sherry, a woman he hoped to marry. As Sherry listened to him, the look on her face was incredulous�not one of mutual love. But Tony didn�t notice and continued on with the proposal.
My husband said: �is there something wrong with him, doesn�t he see how she feels?�
I pointed to Don Miguel Ruiz�s book and said �No, he�s seeing what he wants to see. People do that all that time. That�s what this book is all about.�
Here's my favorite quote from this chapter: "Everything is there for us, but first we need the courage to open our eyes, to use the truth, and to see what really is."
I just saw another movie that exemplifies Don Miguel's point about the DREAM.
The movie is about Ping, a young Malaysian teenager somewhere between the age of 16 and 19. Ping goes to live with her aunt to help her with her restaurant.
While living with the aunt, Ping meets a young man who pursues her relentlessly. His name is John. He's a handsome, earnest looking young man who constantly tells Ping how he wants her to be his wife.
Ping already has a boyfriend back home and is not interested at first. But John persists. Ping grudgingly begins to spend time with John. He throws pebbles at her window so she'll come out to see him at night, he takes her for long drives, out to eat, etc. He courts her and at first the relationship is strictly platonic.
One day when they were out, this guy comes up to John and whispers something in his ear. John laughs and the guy walks away. Ping asks who the guy was and John says it's his cousin. Ping asks what the cousin does for a living. John asks, "what does it look like he does?" Ping says she doesn't know. John says: "he's a pimp "
Then he tells her this fantastic story: The cousin is a scam artist. He courts women and just as they begin to fall hard for him, he disappears. When the women come looking to find out what happened to him, they are told that he's being held for ransom that must be paid or they won't get him back. If the girl can't come up with the money, then she is set up as a prostitute to earn the money. Once she's earned enough, the cousin comes back for awhile and then he sells her
away for good.
John says the scam works best on pretty girls. The prettier the better because pretty girls believe their love can conquer all. (That's the name of the movie, Love Conquers All
Ping sits and listens quietly to this story and says nothing. As time passes, she and John grow closer, they become intimate.
Then one day, John disappears.
Now what would any sane rational person think?
Any sane rational person would remember John�s story and be glad he�s gone! Unfortunately for Ping, she�s so deep into her DREAM that she goes along lock stock and barrel. She gets the money from her family, allows herself to be prostituted, etc. It was hard to even have any sympathy for the character.
You know how it�s said that people always �show you who they are.� I wonder if it�s ever so obvious like with John and Ping. He TOLD her what he was going to do to her and even as the scenario began to play out, she never got a clue. Not once.