Dear Jilly -

If your goal is to not talk to the stranger about your life, then it seems you have hit upon the perfect solution! It's a fun answer, one they will enjoy.

So, just to clarify a bit, when you had said "I'd rather know what they do in their spare time" does that mean you'd enjoy talking about that? Or do you mean that this would be a slightly improved but still painful topic?

I like to hear about people's hobbies, just not what they do for money. It's a trigger for me. But if they like to make stain glass windows, travel in europe or grow orchids, that sounds interesting.

What people do NOT do for a living seems like a stress-free topic to me.

I agree, Jilly. My daughter struggles with this question. Because of her age, people assume she goes to college but she doesn't. She also doesn't have a job. For a while now, I would intervene and tell people that her focus on on getting well as she was receiving treatments for her disorder. That was a conversation stopper.

But now that she has stopped treatment, she is having the same problem. I tell her that she is now my personal assistant and we have a home-based business (true) selling self help books. Internet businesses are popular now.

So Jilly, if you were a bird, which type of bird would you be?

Hi Lisa, when people ask �What do you do?� this is what I think they really want to know:

What Do You Do?

I am new to Bellaonline and am in transition from homeopath to writer...Woohoo! I am loving the shift from caring for ill people to writing about my twenties when I was a war journalist in Afghanistan after the Soviet invasion. I was so excited to write I wrote a second book this year called, "The Four Methods of Journal Writing: Self-Transformation through Memoir" inspired by my over 30 years of journaling and the new memoir I wrote:) It's great to find you guys... Thanks!

Welcome! Wish you all the best best in the transition to 'writer'. You'll get lots of tips, advice and support on BellaOnline. (JOY)

For all my grumblings about being pigeon-holed into one "role" I just read how focus is vital to success. Maybe that is precisely what is holding me back: too many interests. Scattering my energy is not a good idea.

So now it is time to define myself in a more focused fashion. What do I do?

I think one topic which is coming up here is that an assumption is made that "what do you do" is about money. It doesn't have to be!! It can be about what you LOVE to do.

If someone asks me "what do you do" I could say "I love to kayak". It is absolutely true!

So I think it might help to shed all connections with money or income. The question is about the activities you do. We can answer from the heart And that is a perfect answer!

Would a nun in a convent answer about money?

Lori -

I believe it is about a balance. If you have just one single interest you could burn out. If all I did all day every was kayak, that might be too much for me. But I like to kayak sometimes, and write novels sometimes, and do yoga sometimes, and so on. Now the other side of it is I don't do yoga once a month, kayaking once a month, Wii dancing once a month, and 80 thousand other things once a month. I do have some consistency with the things I do.

So I think there's a middle ground. I love having origami paper, and paper crafts, and bath salts, and other creative things to play with. That is fine. At the same time, I have some central themes that keep me grounded.

So the question is perhaps are your interests in the range of 20 items - or 2,000 items?

I usually reply "When"? since I have a steady job with the council, write on a variety of things, am deeply involved in following the Pagan path, am a qualified hypnotherapist, masseur, counsellor, and reflexologist, and am constantly expanding my skills base.