Have you read this book? What is all the fuss about? I've yet to pick it up but I intend to in order to write a review.

The whole concept of D/s (dominance and submission) or BDSM (bondage/discipline/dominance/submission/sadism/masochism) has been a taboo bedroom subject although it has been a part of mankind's sexual history from the beginning.

I can't help but think that there is an element of this that taps into our primordial DNA. As evolved as we have become, our basic genetic codes hold animalistic primal urges. Try as we might, there is something that calls and beckons to a female's desire for a dominant male.

You might disagree but what else could ccount for the astounding appeal of this book despite its lack of literary merit (according to critics)?

What do you like about this book?

Let me provide examples from real life husbands and wives who have written to me about their sex lives:

Wives want equal status in marriage. Frequently, they choose partners who will provide them the respect and sharing they want. In some cases, women who have been abused in their past choose very docile, even feminine mates because of the safety they feel in being with this type of man.

But then in the bedroom, they experience some problems. Women tell me that they aren't attracted sexually to their husbands. They know they don't want to be dominated outside the bedroom, but in bed, it is a different story. It is confusing to them.

Of course, I'm speaking in VERY general terms. There are plenty of examples of women who are the opposite, who want men who are not the domineering, he-man type of husband. But, if you take a look at the type of man that attracts most women--in movies, etc.--the leading man is most often confident and in charge...at least of himself.

I'm not making any value judgments about what is right or wrong. This is strictly an observation.

Women say they want one thing but their bodies are wanting something different.

As a gender, we women have a lot to figure out.

So I am new to Erotica and 50 Shades is the first novel I have ever read. It definitely was hot! I was a little embarrassed at first but hey, if it is a New York Times Bestseller than what does a girl have to be ashamed of right? Honestly though, the writing was only average. I am not an English major or an expert but it was really hard for me to finish the 2nd book because after a while it got old. I am still debating on whether to finish the 3rd book. I want something real and that is why I ended up likeing Laura Meets Jeffrey by Jeffrey Michelson better, because it is NON-FICTION. The Beatles, Bondage and Brooklyn -what more could a girl want? If anything, I am most thankful to E L James for paving the way, the next year will bring some amazing Erotica novels! ;)

A Facebook friend has a slew of negative remarks on this novel. Here is my reply:

"I have not read it, cannot read it. I perused the contents of a friend's book. I used to love this stuff and If you like this sort of genre, it is actually good writing. Right now I have enough drama of my own, taking on someone else's (because I exist in a novel when I am reading it) drama is not plausible right now.

That said, I cannot read it because the character is so believable and maybe others cannot read it because they are embarrassed or afraid that they are one of the characters.

There is a whole different world of sexual beings and controlling relationships and more, outside of who each of us thinks we are. Less judgment might better allow us to reflect."

A more appropriate response was presented by a romantic novelist:

"the books (all three) are about a woman who starts out passive and insecure, then discovers her sexuality AND her power. She uses both to take control of her life. The hero is controlling---but HE CAN'T CONTROL HER. She stands up to him at every turn, and ends up controlling HIM. Which is why he falls in love with her. The book is about how women can stop being doormats and use their sexual power to become strong. That's why these books are so popular---lots of passive women in bad relationships look up to Anastasia Steele and wish they could be like her."

Needless to say, these 2 comments stopped the conversation.

Lori-

I'm looking forward to your review

I've been meaning to purchase the book on Amazon and download it to my iPad. I've heard nothing but good things about it.

I borrowed the book from a friend out of sheer curiosity. I will agree that it is not a literary masterpiece, but I could not put it down. Here is my take on it...

I was not embarrassed by any of it, and I am not into these types of relationships. Frankly I thought the abuse was not as much as all the hype out there, not that I condone it, but there was definitely a lot of dominance. Only at the end of the book is Anastasia given a belt whooping that was very painful. Erotic as a story? Yes, but not overly so. There was lots of humor in the story too, which I liked.

Anastasia is a strong willed woman, but I would not say she was Wonder Woman by any means. She is naive and just learning about herself. What struck me the most was not the dominance and bondage in the story, but what she sees in Christian Grey, a troubled man who had a horrific 4 years as a child with a crack addicted prostitute for a mother. The details of his abuse is not revealed in this book. What is revealed is that he was taken advantaged of as a teenager by an older woman, and she led him on the path he follows now in the bedroom.

I don't agree with what he does, but I can see a kind, often gentle, sensitive, and devastated individual who is getting help from a psychiatrist but still feels the need to control any intimate contact. I hope the next few books will give more details on this, and will reveal his true backstory. It seems that Anastasia wanted to save Christian and show him how to love, but that has not happened in this book. She walks away because she has endured enough. I think she is a good person who wants to be loved and wants to love Christian as well, but he won't let her get close enough emotionally.

I can see a tender side to Christian, a man who does not like who is but feels he has no other choice. I'd like to see him get the help he needs to be free of his demons and experience love like all of us deserve, without the need to control or inflict pain.

To conclude, I am glad I was not the one who spent the money on this book. I am pretty open minded, well read, and well informed. I do not think this book lives up to all the hype in the media, and I certainly don't see how it could benefit an intimate relationship, even if someone liked having the dominant/submissive scenario. I did not get the shock value I expected.

Still haven't had time to get this book, but I am very curious about it now after all of your comments! Human sexuality is a hotbed of opinions. I, for one, am not easily embarrassed by it because I have been exposed to a variety of sexual lifestyles (via psychology classes, documentaries, etc.) I took an abnormal psych class that went into sexual deviance but I think we need to reframe what "deviance" and "normal" sexual practices are. Times change. During the Victoria era, for example, it was normal to not even see your partner's naked body.

When it comes to this whole dominance and submission practice, I think it appeals to women for a few reasons. One is that being submissive sexually removes the responsibility of being in charge of one's own sexuality and places it in your partner's hands. Upon first glance, you'd wonder why in the world that would appeal to a woman. But a *lot* of women were raised with mixed messages about sex. It's still a hush-hush subject in the home. There's still some misunderstanding about what type of sex is acceptable for a decent woman and what acts and behavior turn a woman into a tramp or wh*re. Engaging in sex freely without any inhibition is hard for a lot of women. The whole submission thing allows them to do things because they are being told to or forced to do it. Rape fantasies are extremely common. Not that women want to be raped in real life but there is this whole removal of responsibility for wanting and liking sex thing that happens in the mind.

BTW, you'd think that the type of women who engages in a D/s lifestyle has low self esteem and while that is true for a lot of them, you'd be surprised to know how many strong, corporate dynamos crave not having to be in control all the time.

And then there is this very compelling component to the book about the main character wanting to "save" the misunderstood male.

I can't tell you how prevalent this feeling is. This is precisely why women get involved with the "wrong" type of man or "losers" or men who have issues. I see it over and over again.

1. A woman wants to believe that she is the only one who "gets" this misunderstood man.
2. She wants to extend her love to him because she often feels she has her own issues and wants to believe that she, like every other lost soul, is worth someone's love and attention. Worth saving.
3. She feels powerful in this relationship in her own way because she isn't as emotionally or psychologically or physically broken as he is.

This Savior Complex is all too common and the reason why women stay with bad men. These men always seem to have at least one redeeming quality that she can't resist. Usually, it is that he shows her love and attention.

I think this book is popular, too, because a lot of women can identify with this main character.

Lori-

Thanks for your words. I am all about inspiring anyone to get to know themselves better. By doing so, we approach all situations from a better space. If we can accomplish unconditional self-love we can overcome anything.

That said, I forwarded your last posting to someone I know & love very well. Thanks for that clarification. I hope it inspires her to make more self discoveries and invest in more unconditional self-love before she starts a new relationship.

Your words were different than mine and sometimes different words, that mean the same thing, are the inspiration a person needs.

I'm on the second book now, 50 Shades Darker, and I like it more than the first book. Less dominance stuff going on, more tenderness, lots of humor, information on Christian's past is coming out, and there seems to be more going on with the story in general. It seems that Christian is changing a bit to be more of what Anastasia wants. I think there is hope for him yet.

I enjoyed the second book more than the first. More of Christian's backstory came out, which is what I was most interested in. There was more to the plot in the book, period.

Generally I do like romance and bedroom scenes to a degree, but I think the amount of the bedroom scenes in this trilogy is getting to be a bit too much, to the point of being boring and redundant. I rather like the story of their lives outside of the bedroom more than all the romping that's going on. It just does not seem realistic.

I completed the trilogy with the last book "50 Shades Freed." The plot improved with each book, and a lot was explained. The love story aspect was really good, and I liked the humor in all three parts of the trilogy. The love scenes became more gentle and caring, although there were still instances of dominance that Anastasia allowed. That part is not my thing, but I enjoyed the story overall.