Hello, Since I was in the first grade, I've had an issue with the way I look. Most often women view themselves as ugly with clothes and makeup on and MUST wear that to feel beautiful. However, with myself ... yes, I sometimes do that but it's more of an issue in my own skin. I was born with a pretty large, quarter sized, flat mole on my behind. Being naked terrifies me. Even around the best of friends or my own mother. I am always trying to motivate myself and develop a "I am who I am" attitude but it seems as no matter how many steps I take forward, I always take one more backward. I have a pretty new relationship (4 months) and it is extremely hard to be intimate. My insecure feelings always put me back and not confident enough to continue. I feel as if clothes keep me secure and in my confortable place. He knows about it and is one of the few I trust with that information (my best friend does not even know). I guess, in simpler terms, I have a fear of rejection. A fear that I will never be accepted as normal and a fear that my abnormality is big enough that people won't view me the same. I feel as if I can never be beautiful. Nobody will percieve me as beautiful if I am not able to myself. How do I become confident and strong enough in my own skin, for who I am, and not fear? How do I take more steps forward and less backward?

Hi Mae,

You said you have an issue with the way you look. From your comments you seem to be particularly concerned about that one mole.

To reassure you, most people have a mole (or several) on their body. Years ago women used to paint them on their faces to look prettier. A mole is not an abnormality. However, if yours is giving you grief or is getting larger or is changing shape it�s important to discuss this with your doctor.

From the sound of it you seem to be quite insecure and lacking in self belief generally. The following articles may help you to start finding your way again:

Self-Worth : How To Increase It

True Growth and Self Development

Social Pressures and How To Deal With Them

Joy

Mae......Joy listed some great articles. I hope you will read them. I did and I found a lot of good points there.

I don't think your friends, even your best friend, need to know what is on your body where the sun does not shine. You should not have to tell them about something so private, so don't put pressure on yourself to do so. But with that said, I think that having a mole where you have one can be sexy, unique, and beautiful. Being a little different can be exciting, and I do think that your intimate partner could feel this way. Someone who loves you for who you are will find you beautiful no matter what. You are special and distinct, as we all are, and it is important to accept and love yourself.

If this mole is very devastating to you perhaps it can be surgically removed, maybe in a couple of surgical procedures so that it is not such a large wound to heal and feel discomfort from. Ask your doctor.

My thoughts as well...if you found a partner with whom you connect on a very deep level, the mole should not be a deterring factor. With that said, it appears as though you're the one it affects first and foremost, which means that you may benefit from having it properly and safely removed.

The first thing you need to do is love yourself. You should realize that you are just as good as anyone else in this world. You have many attractive qualities about yourself that I'm sure that you are not even aware of. Every single person on this planet has flaws and is not perfect! Now realize this and start loving and respecting yourself because this is the first step to becoming confident.