Jenny.....I live in an in-law apartment my boyfriend and I shared together. It is part of his parents' home but private. I don't have a lot of my personal things around the apartment but my necessary items and a few decorative things on my dresser, and I don't want to put out a lot of my things at this point because I will have to pack it up anyway to move out in about a year and a half.

My boyfriend passed away this January. I am staying here to heal and to get my bearings before moving on to a new life. My question is this.....what can I do here to allow for his spirit to come and go if he chooses, and yet still make good energy for my healing and moving forward?

Thank you!

Hi Debbie, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such an emotional shock to lose someone so close. It's good that you can stay on in your home if it helps in your healing process.

There are a couple of things you can do to keep good energy flowing and encourage his spirit to visit as he chooses. First, keep things light and airy in each room and second, keep your self/spirit clutter-free. The first is the easiest.

To keep your spirit clutter-free, keep good energy flowing within yourself by doing things that you enjoy. Have friends over, start a new hobby or do things that are fun for you. I know this might be difficult at this time but its important to not let your spirit get cluttered. Also, if you are just plain angry about the situation, let it out. Break something, bang doors, scream, whatever it takes to rid yourself of the anger feelings.

I wish you well in your healing and moving forward and feel your boyfriend's spirit will help you along.

Thanks, Jenny, for your kind words. My boyfriend stopped by last night. It is nice when he comes by while I am awake, and not just in my dreams.

The apartment is not cluttered and I keep it clean. It does help. I will keep the other things you mentioned in mind. I don't find myself angry, but sad at least for a little while every day, but that is normal for healing. It has gotten better. Sometimes I am a bit frustrated because of some other issues.

The worst stress for me at the moment is trying to find a job. I have been unemployed for a while due to being laid off, then I got divorced a few years ago, relocated, and then I became my boyfriend's full time caregiver. He had two heart attacks in the short time we were together, and the first one resulted in his second open heart surgery of his life, 6 1/2 weeks in the hospital, and then months of recovery. He was never the same. The second heart attack this January was severe and he was not strong enough to pull through. He left here at 49 years old.

Being out of work for a few years now except for a short seasonal job last year has really hurt me, plus with the economy the pickings are slim. To plan exciting activities can be cost prohibitive right now, but I do enjoy walks and interacting with nature. The beach is not far to drive to. I keep in touch with my friends via phone mostly, because most live far from me or out of state.

I guess you could say my new project is my editor position at BellaOnline. This occured after my boyfriend's passing and it has helped to shift my focus, keeps me busy, and keeps me thinking. I try to maintain calm if at all possible in my life right now, but the fruitless job search does get to me sometimes. I am all out of financial reserves and it has become impossible to make ends meet.

I take one day at a time.....

Thanks again for responding.

You are a very brave woman, Debbie. I'm so glad your boyfriend visited while you were awake.

Walks and interacting with nature can work wonders for uncluttering your self/spirit. If your boyfriend also enjoyed these, he might just accompany you. When my Dad was living, he loved western movies and now when I watch a western on TV, I can smell his cigarette smoke. No one has ever smoked in my house so I'm sure its him.

Our economy is really terrible right now so I understand your frustrations. Try to keep thinking the positive thoughts and you will find the break you deserve.

I do love your topic and your articles.

Take care.

Thanks, Jenny. I became more spiritual just before my boyfriend passed on, and then more so afterwards. I think it is a time of personal growth and reflection for me, even if some of the experiences are painful ones. I hope what I write will be of some benefit to others on my site.

Funny that you mention the cigarette smoke. I do believe indeed that your Dad is visiting you. Scent is how I knew my boyfriend was here. It was a ramped up version of his bodywash that I love, and it passed right by me. When I turned to the side I caught one more hint of it, and then it was gone. I was amazed. It must be hard for spirits to be able to do this, so it is touching to know that they want to make sure we are aware of their presence.

The treadmill has turned on without warning, the dishwasher turned on, and a door handle jiggled. Once I came home to all four chairs turned away from the dining table in just the exact same way. My boyfriend also helped me find clothes of his I needed for the funeral. Where I had looked several times and had not seen the item, there it was right on top in the drawer after I asked him for help.

My boyfriend enjoyed walks very much. He walked daily and lifted light weights 3 times a week, trying to stay healthy and fit. He looked great and took good care of himself. Unfortunately it wasn't enough to keep him with us, but I do talk to him on my walks sometimes and I am sure he hears me. I talk to him all the time anyway. I am not always motivated to walk but I go to exercise my dogs, and in turn it helps me on those down days too. In general I love being out in nature.

I don't know how brave I really am. I am just trying to survive and heal from yet another life changing event. I try to maintain calm the best I can these days and I try not to get overwhelmed. Staying positive can be a little tough sometimes, but I am doing my best.

Thanks again for a great conversation. Feel free to visit the Spirituality forum any time.

Hi Debby , my condolences for your loss. I find that having a Kechara Tibetan Wealth Vase would help a lot with your situation. All my friends that have 1 are significantly improving from bad situations that they struggled through. The Wealth Vase was originally designed to bring both spiritual wealth and material wealth. However it is also an extremely powerful object that also emanates positive energy. I hope I've helped.